As I asked Libby for a double espresso, she showed me a long email from Susie. “I must say hello to Mo, then I would love to see how she’s doing. I’ll be back!”

Mo was head down into the latest Peter James novel. James is a hugely successful local writer whose detective character in his ‘Dead’ series is DS Roy Grace, played by the actor John Simm in two televised dramas.

Like all stories that feature the same characters, they tend to get a little samey, even if time and effort is spent developing and aging them. When we first came to Hove and someone introduced me to ‘Grace’, I hoovered them up like a maniac. They are all set in and around Brighton & Hove so there is that ‘Oh! I know where that is’ that makes them more interesting to those readers who live here.

“Have you read this yet Richard?”

“No, not yet, but it’s in a pile in my Kindle!” (Can you say that?)

Mo wonders whether I had seen the news item here about possible changes to the legality of assisting someone to end their life. Our Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) have said: ‘Charges are unlikely in cases where a victim clearly wanted to die and they suspect put real ‘emotional pressure’ on a friend or family member to assist.’

 “My mother is loving living in her ‘retirement house’ in Shoreham where people are on hand to help if necessary, but otherwise the elderly live normal independent lives. She comes over here quite a lot and helps on Thursdays for the ‘lonely table’ mornings but she has said that, at 83, she may need help at some point to leave this life! It’s one of the most complex issues any society has to deal with, the conflict between the wishes of someone which goes against the laws of the land.”

“This sort of dilemma pulls at the heart strings, doesn’t it? We knew someone in Portugal who was diagnosed with a particular nasty cancer and contemplated going to Dignitas in Switzerland. By the time she had decided to go, she was too unwell to travel! Mo, I haven’t much time this morning and I promised Libby I would see Susie’s photographs from Tasmania, so I’ll leave you to get back to ‘Stop You Dead’ and catch up next early in November. OK?”

Libby comes and sits at my table as the café is quite quiet this morning. I think she’s rather enjoyed standing in for her niece while she has been away on her belated Gap Year and I suspect she’ll do a deal with Duncan to stay in some capacity.

“Hi! Richard! About time you caught up! By the way” Libby says, lowering her voice and nodding towards the café’s corner, “the woman in the wheelchair’s Anna; she’s become quite a regular and you should make an effort to get to know her.”

“How did she end up in a wheelchair? She’s what, late 20s?”

“She told me she was on a tombstoning holiday in Cornwall and ….”

“What’s that, tombstoning?”

“Apparently, it’s an extreme sport where individuals jump off cliffs or harbour walls for instance. She got it wrong once and is now paralysed from the waist downwards. But she’s plucky and works in marketing for a spinal injuries organisation.”

“Sounds as though they chose an appropriate name for that sport! So what about Susie?”

“You know that she got offered a job in Hobart, Tasmania, working for Margie in her catering company?”

“Yes! Until the end of October wasn’t it or …”

“No that’s right. She says she fitted right in and has loved living on this rather strange island, where lots of the towns are named after places in England and Wales. (Note 1) She sails in the evenings in a Spring dinghy regatta in Hobart harbour and has managed, with Margie and her partner Stephanie, to see something of the island during the weekends.”

“That’s great! Where has she been?”

“Well; the first weekend they went up the coast to Wineglass Bay, says the seawater was freezing ….

and then took the little ferry to Maria Island, famous for its rock striations

Oh! And they stayed in a great B&B in Swansea and did some hiking in the Freycinet National Park.

“She’s obviously having a good ‘overseas experience’. Hasn’t Tasmania got a bit of a dark history, apart from its Tasmanian Devil?”

“Sadly yes! Susie’s had time to read Robert Hughes’ ‘The Fatal Shore’ about the colonisation of Australia. Hughes wrote how Aboriginal people were herded north and shipped across to Flinders Island where, without much support, they eventually withered.”

“I read that book many years ago – brilliant! Has she seen the ruins of the convict prisons at Port Arthur?”

“Let me have a look through these photos, Richard. (pause) Yes, here’s one of those buildings …..

…… and one of Macquarie Harbour on the west coast.”

“I remember Hughes’ description of Macquarie Harbour’s entrance, ‘Hells Gate’. This coast is the first landmass east of Argentina and the southern ocean’s waves made navigating the gap between the rocks treacherous. Susie’s having a great time; any sense of when she’ll return?”

“Not yet …..! By the way, you know Lisa gave Sami a birthday treat of two weeks in the Maldives?”

“Yes! She told me she took him to Terminal Five at Heathrow and he had no idea where he was going. Perfect 65^th Birthday present! No doubt we will hear about it from them on their return.”

“No doubt we will!”

Richard 27^th October 2023

Hove

http://www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

Note 1 He now lives in Jersey, I assume for their more favourable tax regime. I read one of his non-Grace books, ‘I Follow You’, about a man obsessed with a female runner; it was based in Jersey and absolutely brilliant if a little spine-chilling!

Note 2 For instance Launceston, Richmond, Beaconsfield, Devonport, Sheffield and even Brighton.

These scribbles may, I suspect, be more interesting to my male readers than those of other genders but who knows, living in the alphabet-soup of today’s options!

In August 2015 I scribbled about Loo Paper (PC 47) which attracted some delightful reminiscences but was probably ‘placed or arranged the opposite way to the way it should have been’ ie ‘arse about face’ – as subsequently I was prompted to write about The Loo (PC 54 November 2015) and the delightful Mr Crapper.

I can guarantee that if you are a living mammal you urinate! Mammals, for clarity, are ‘warm-blooded vertebrate animals that are distinguished by the possession of hair or fur, females that secrete milk for the nourishment of their young and typically the birth of live young! There are seven sub-groups of mammals, of which one, ‘Primates’, covers us humans.

Having a pee is something no one can do for you, although if you’re a very young boy and not really able to hold your penis and, more importantly, aim it into the loo, then some parental help may be necessary. I will not comment on what happens when you’re very old! Urine is extremely corrosive – you can see the result of dogs urinating up against a lamppost, how the bottom gets rusty, unless you have them coated or covered. If you are of a certain age (Note1) you may remember the Avocado bathroom suite with its matching bath mat and mat around the base of the loo? The latter needed regular washing if there were males in the house.   

I remain fascinated by what can only be described as coincidences and have written about them in these scribbles many times. It was almost a coincidence that Facebook posted a photograph of Sean Connery and Ursula Andress from the film Doctor No (see PC 349 ‘Coincidence? Nah! Big Brother’ August 2023) as I had seen the exact photograph in a hotel corridor not thirty minutes before. Now I believe that, however spooky it is, algorithms follow me everywhere!

So it is extremely odd that, on Monday this week, I saw this photograph on Facebook and yet hadn’t posted anything about loos (ie this postcard was only 70% complete). How very appropriate and how very coincidental! I have always ‘stood up’ to pee and, much like swearing allegiance to the King and queuing, standing up to take a pee is apparently a British tradition, but it isn’t one that’s shared by other countries around the world. According to data collected by YouGov, only 9% of British men prefer to sit down for a pee, (Note 2) compared with 40% of German men; in Japan, that land of strange habits, a whopping 70% of Japanese men put their backsides on the pan!

Studies suggest that it pays to take a seat when you pee. Researchers from the department of urology at Leiden University Medical Centre (Note 3) found that men who sat down to pee were able to empty their bladders faster and more effectively. That’s because when you stand, you activate muscles in your pelvis and spine, but they’re completely relaxed when you sit. Sitting down to pee obviously helps with aim issues and is ‘a better option for men with prostate conditions or men who just can’t stand up for a long time,’ says Dr Jesse Mills, Associate Clinical Professor at the UCLA Department of Urology.

One of the worst situations for having a pee is on a lurching yacht in foul weather, when it’s raining and the deck is constantly covered in salt water spray. You need to grab onto a stay or life rail, unzip your oilskins and find ‘it’ – probably shrivelled due to the cold and wet – relax and let it go – and ignore the involuntary dribbles.

Going to the loo on an aeroplane has its own challenges. How often have we thought I’m just going to have a pee and at that same instant the drinks’ trolley is wheeled into the aisle, effectively blocking it, or the seat belt sign comes on as the pilot identifies some turbulence ahead? Or you stand outside an engaged loo and wonder why the occupier is taking so long …. and all sorts of strange ideas come to mind!

Flying back from Portugal last month, at 30,000ft I popped to the loo and wondered how one has a pee in the Embraer E190 (Note 4)? Unless you’re only 1.6m tall and not carrying too much weight, the space is tiny.

I enter the loo …. and my head hits the bulkhead ….. to get close to the pan standing up I need to bend my knees, so it’s a good thing I regularly practise Awkward Pose in the Hatha Yoga series …. this is NOT me!

 …. but this is not a position that encourages the natural flow of things! Waiting for it to work my thighs begin to feel the effort …. the lurching aeroplane doesn’t help …. and just as I’m wondering whether it would have been better to sit down at the beginning…… a dribble starts …. so I need to be patient …… hope the seat belt sign does not illuminate …. and finally I finish, with a huge sigh of relief.

And I am told it gets worse with age ….

Richard 20^th October 2023

Hove

www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

PS Recently I bought some denim dungarees ….. and immediately understand I need to almost completely undress to get ‘it’ out. My female readers will probably think: “So?” whereas other males who undo their belt and loosen their trousers will wonder what the fuss is!

Note 1 A chum here in Hove lives in his now deceased mother’s house, complete with a 1970s pink bathroom suite ….. including the loo mat and pink wall tiles.

Note 2 That figure might change if asked about peeing in the middle of the night!

Note 3 Leiden in Holland has the country’s oldest university and is the birthplace of Rembrandt (1606 – 1669)

Note 4 This 100-seat aeroplane, comparable with the Airbus A220 and known as the Cityhopper, is made by Embraer of Brazil.

(Continued from PC 355)

Clutching my coffee I make my way over to the table where Sami and Lisa are sitting. Sami was expecting me and he’s got a coffee and a Brigadeiro; Lisa has a mug of Macha tea and a biscuit.

“Hi! Richard! You look well. Portugal OK was it?” asks Sami.

“Well, you know! Lucky to be able to live somewhere else for a while, indulge in different routines and rhythms … but good to be back! While I was away I read that Kevin Hollinrake, the Postal Affairs Minister, has offered compensation of £600,000 to ex sub-post masters like you. You going to accept this?”

“For some this isn’t enough, to compensate for lives being turned upside down, for time spent in prison, but personally I want to move on and so, yes, I am accepting this. I think that those who went to prison and had their reputation trashed should hold out for more, but personally I can’t continue to look backwards as my own future is today and tomorrow ……. with Lisa.” I notice Lisa smiles!

“I think that’s a good decision, Sami, but the British public needs to keep the pressure on to ensure those who were responsible for the cover-up at the Post Office are held to account. Not sure why I doubt what I’ve just said but ….! Incidentally I watched that docudrama called Partygate about the parties held at Boris Johnson’s Number Ten Downing Street during the Covid lockdown periods ……”

“We did too …..”

“So you understand the claim that those involved in the No 10 parties were fined £50 and those in other areas of the country partying during lockdown were fined thousands of pounds? Do you think it’s true? If so you understand my scepticism about calling the Post Office management to account?” 

“Mmmm. One rule for one and another for others!” Sami looks up and around at the renovated café, abuzz with people and conversations. “So what do you think of the renewed Hope? Think Duncan’s done a great job. Did you read the piece Lisa wrote for The Argus about it, praising how the regulars came together to get the work done?”

“No! I missed that. Lisa, could you email it to me please? Love to read that! In Portugal I rely on my digital subscription for The Times to get my news, but I don’t have one for The Argus. I sensed I really missed out being away but I have offered Duncan a big triptych to go on the wall above us!”

“I’ll look forward to seeing that, Richard” says Lisa. “While you were away did you see that Sugarman, Sixto Rodriguez, had died?”

          “Yes, we did. We’d never heard of him until we watched that documentary ‘Searching For Sugarman’. Absolutely lovely story of his career being resurrected by South African fans decades after he’d given up in Detroit.

“We bought his CD, ‘Searching for Sugarman’ and simply love some of his lyrics, (See PC 283), particularly those in his song ‘Cause’: ‘Cause I lost my job two weeks before Christmas, And I talked to Jesus at the sewer, And the Pope said it was none of his God-damned business, While the rain drank champagne.’?”

“Yes! Yes! And then ‘So I set sail in a teardrop and escaped beneath the door sill’. Somehow I can visualise that! He rather summed up his life with this: “My story wasn’t rags to riches, it was rags to rags and I’m glad about that. Where other people have lived in an artificial world, I feel I’ve lived in the real world. And nothing beats reality” Despite his later success he still lived in the same house in Detroit he’d bought for $50 in 1976 and never felt he needed a car or computer!”

“Talking of those whose lives have ended, you wrote one of your postcards about that television series ‘Seven Up’ (PC 213 January 2021). You probably missed it but Nicholas Hitchon, a nuclear physicist and one of the eleven kids who found fame in that series, died of throat cancer aged 65.”

“That’s sad Sami; too young an age to die. While I was researching that postcard, I read that the assumption driving the episodes was that the social class into which the children are born would create obvious winners and losers. In fact they have showed that achievement, fortune and contentment are influenced by more fundamental things than class. They showed that our lives unfold through both circumstance and our own choices and it’s up to us what we make of them. We all have a choice, whether you take the road less travelled or not!! Using tobacco, in any form, and excessive alcohol consumption, both of which I was guilty of, are the two greatest risk factors for developing throat cancer. His death reminded me of my cousin Susie Mayhew, drinking and smoking her way to an early grave aged 53.

And by the way! We bought some little tins of good Olive Oil in Portugal and, knowing how expensive it’s predicted to become, thought we could give some as a gift. Here’s yours!”

“That’s lovely, thank you!” says Lisa.

I give a can to Mo with a ‘must catch up on my next visit’ comment and walk up to the counter to give Josh and Libby some oil. Libby starts reaching for her iPad, as she’d promised to show me some photographs from Susie in Tasmania.

“Libby, I’m really sorry but I have to dash. Will definitely find some time next week as I am dying to see photos from Tassie!”

…… and with a quick look at Teresa’s counter, the new coffee machine and the tables full of animated people, I head for the door. Good to be back.

Richard 13^th October 2023

Hove

www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

PS I remember Nicholas saying “I am still the same little kid (Ed: ‘as I was, aged 7’), really. Probably all of us are.”

If you are not a regular reader of these scribbles you could easily have imagined I was going to reflect on renewed hope for the state of the world in the months and years ahead. For sure, we need to see something other than dictators manoeuvring, posturing and strategizing for their own enrichment and hardly ever for the benefit of the people over whom they have control.

However this is about my first visit to the Hope Café here in Hove. Due to the generosity of Edith Tadstein (Note 1) an idea for an enlarged meeting place became a reality and work started on the 26^th August. Since then numerous regulars have given of their time and expertise to make the renovated Hope something to be proud of. In PC 351I included a sketch of what Duncan and his team were going to do. And now this is how it looks:

I popped in the other day, hoping to catch up with the regulars who I hadn’t seen for over six weeks, and to meet Duncan, to get the low down as to how the renovations went. He greets me with a huge grin on his face:

“Well, the stranger returns and you missed it all! What do you think?”

“Think it looks fantastic; so much more space, more and yet somehow you’ve managed to retain the cosy atmosphere you had engendered before (Note 2). What are the highlights?”

“Well, first and foremost we wouldn’t have embarked on the renovations without the generosity of Edith. So I’ve had a little brass plaque engraved and placed above what she considered her normal seat. Look!”

We walked across to the bench seating and read:

“Edith Tadstein – we loved her hope”

Duncan continued: “She was of a generation who didn’t boast about their age, so she wouldn’t have wanted to see ‘1935 – 2022’! Think she’ll like this. Now, what else? We have made the front doors wide enough for wheelchair access and they can be opened by a push button at the appropriate level. The loo on this level’s been changed to accommodate wheelchairs; I haven’t written Disabled Loo on the door as this has a double entendre!

For years I have been aware that the noise of modern coffee machines, those that grind the beans for instance, is quite intrusive, so we’ve invested in the quietest one we could find; everyone thinks it’s well worth it. Incidentally the coffee cart we hired from Brad Stevens was extremely popular, a life-saver for some; such a nice chap to deal with, Brad. And Josh and Libby, and Susie when she returns, will be pleased we’re now paying our staff just more that the living wage, which is itself higher than the minimum wage (note 3) We’ve got a new App so our regulars can claim a freebee once they’ve reached a certain level of spend.”

Walking over to the front windows on the left, Duncan points out some laptop and mobile charging points. Already there’s a chap I recognise from Amber House, Robert Silcock. I understand he’s a budding journalist and potential novelist, who normally works from his apartment, so it’s good to see him in The Hope Café, not only working but also soaking up the friendly, inclusive atmosphere. I know all the people who live in Amber House, so I smile and lift my hand in silent greeting, not wanting to disturb his chain of thought.

The Brazilian Deli run by Teresa has now been incorporated into The Hope, having its own counter. As the Hope itself always provides snacks for its customers, she hopes to provide very Brazilian fare such as:

Brigadeiros, Quindim – a baked desert made from sugar, ground coconut and eggs, Cocada – a coconut confectionery……

Queijadinha – a custard tart made from sweetened condensed milk, grated coconut and cheese, Mousse de Maracuja – sweetened condensed milk, heavy cream and passion fruit juice, and Tapioca pancakes made with Tapioca flour and are either savoury or sweet, depending on their filling!

“Now I’ve seen your colour scheme, Duncan, and given that I was not able to help with the renovations, what would you say if I painted a large triptych to go on the right hand wall – say 80cms by 200cms?”

“That sounds great – by Christmas?”

“I’ll try, Duncan!.” ….. and walked over to speak to Josh and Libby, still standing in for Susie who’s now in Hobart Tasmania, helping Margie until the end of the month in her catering business. Libby doesn’t think we’ll see Susie before Christmas.

“She’s having a ball, a real eye-opener this OS (overseas experience) thingy so I’m beginning to wonder whether she will come back! She sent me some more photos but they’re on my iPad and it’s charging so ask me before you leave? Now, can I get you a double espresso?”

(to be continued ….)

Richard 6^th October 2023

Hove

www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

Note 1 I had first met Edith standing outside the Trinity Medical Centre in April 2021 (PC 224). Twelve months later I see her in the Hope Café and she tells me she, aged 3, and her great friend Marie Kobel (later known as Madeleine Albright and US Secretary of State under Bill Clinton) had fled the Nazis on the Kinder Transport and arrived in Britain in 1938. She never returned and made England her home, living in Hove for decades.

Note 2 Before we left Portugal we went for a drink in the Palacio de Estoril (see PC 141 December 2018). I guess every commercial operation is constantly tinkering with its external message but I was amused to see that the little paper mats for my drink glass had the hotel’s name and crest and a new little strapline: ‘Grand and Cosy’.

Not sure I would ever describe a five star hotel as ‘cosy’

Note 3The National Minimum Wage varies dependent on age; for example it’s £10.18 per hour for someone aged 21-22. The Minimum Living Wage is £10.42 and is 66% of the National Median Earnings.

I am no more qualified than anyone else of my gender to write this postcard, but I am indebted to Caitlin Moran for raising the issues in her book, ’what about men?’ – printed with no capital ‘W’ so very modern!

I mentioned earlier in part one (PC 352 15^th September) that teenager boys are now frightened about talking to teenage girls. Curiosity about females is often met by a visit to a soft porn site, easily accessible through their mobile phones. Years 7 and 8 will watch porn in groups, huddled around someone’s mobile and begin to think that what they are watching is real life, it’s what they expect when they try sex for the first time!

Recently there was an interesting piece by 30 year old Sean Russell, a features sub-editor and writer at The Times, on just this subject: “The Problem with porn and teenage boys? I should know.” (Friday 18^th August 2023)  It’s a long article so read if you can: (https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/2b5f2a4e-b8f6-404c-993e-2ffca1a161ba?shareToken=f6a3836070dd738b4d8e661572034d00) Simon finishes by saying ‘After some time and having formed proper relationships in my twenties, porn became something separate from sex and it was wonderful.’

And for an IRL example? Two 15 year olds formed a relationship over this summer and the strength of their feelings eventually led to a bedroom. After the initial inevitable fumbling, they got into it …. until the boy started to choke the girl, having learned from some porn site that this was what girls wanted. Sadly these two teenagers are no longer together, both probably traumatised by their experience and fearful of committing to a future relationship. Rejected and confused boys often get drawn to the misogynistic world of Andrew Tate and his influence has become odious (Note 1).My daughter, a teacher in a secondary school in Farnham, says Tate’s views are absorbed by innocent teenagers like water by a dry sponge.

In Estoril there is a bronze piece of three men sitting on a bench. It could be titled ‘A Male Conversation’ as the body language frozen in bronze suggests little empathy or interest between the three! (Note 2)

Moran has a great vignette of a male conversation involving two male cyclists. They had just competed in a time trial up and down mountains and get onto the same train to go back to their respective homes.  I looked up the dictionary definition of a conversation: ‘a talk especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged’.  In the overheard conversation these two exchanged every aspect of the race they had just taken part in but a simple exchange of information without a drop of personal emotion. When they arrived at the rail terminus they probably simply said: “Bye! Good talking to you.” And went their separate ways without even knowing the name of the other person; whereas two women, according to Moran, would have known each other’s names, how many children etc etc!

Many years ago a group of us went to see Australian Mark Little’s “Defending The Caveman”, a one-man show in Wimbledon London. The show ‘catalogues the instantly recognisable traits that separate men and women’; understanding our differences, he suggests, gives us the potential to build bridges rather than engage in open warfare.’ Moran’s simple vignette of the cyclists mirrors Little’s sketch about two male anglers, who arrive at the river bank for a few hours of fishing. They immediately stake out their pitch with a suitable distance between them, cast their flies, and settle into contented silence.

After half an hour, one shouts to the other:

“Fancy a beer? There are some in the car.”

A minute goes by.

“Yup!”

Another minute.

“You goin’ to get them?”

Another minute.

“No! I paid for them. You go!”

Another minute.

“OK! Then.”

This is a good example of the average male’s ‘deep and meaningful conversation’.

But how can we accept the stark statistical differences between the sexes:

Boys underachieve at school compared with girls, are more likely to be excluded, less likely to go into further education and more likely to be prescribed medication for ADHD.

After school, men make up the majority of gang members, of the homeless, of the unemployed, of suicides (75%), of the prison population (95%) and are most likely to lose custody of their children in a divorce.

Statistics are always open to interpretation and one glaring factor skewing the percentages in adulthood is the fact that only females can give birth. But it’s an extremely depressing list of lost opportunity, lost lives, of negativity and we all need to change what some see as the inevitable!

A British MP has suggested there be a Minister for Men to mirror that for woman. Predictably the columnists had their field day but one more credible suggestion was a Minister for Young Men or even Boys? I obviously have my finger on the national pulse, as a few days ago an ex-client of mine who works at AWE, Bob Kingston, posted on LinkedIn about someone wearing a T-shirt with the words ‘Boys Get Sad Too’ emblazoned on the front. Further enquiries revealed a website (www.boysgetsadtoo.com) promoting male mental health. Bob wrote: “I think what they stand for is very true in this day and age, in that boys/men don’t share feeling and bottle them up as it’s seen as a sign of weakness. In my view sharing feelings should be seen as a strength.”

I am proud to be a man; my gender at the time of my birth was not my choice! Would I want to be any other gender, as Moran questions? Never given it much thought, although nowadays gender fluidity offers new options! So if you are a man, read this book. If you are a woman, also read this book.

Richard 29^th September 2023

Hove

www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

Note 1 Andrew Tate is an extreme misogynist encouraging young teens to, among other things, become ‘incels’, a woke description meaning involuntary celebrate.

Note 2 It’s not meant to illustrate male conversations! The three men, Jan Karski, Jerzy Lerski and Jan Nowak-Jezioranski were Poles living in Portugal and were noted for helping their nationals escape the clutches of the Nazis during WW2.

‘The time has come’ the Walrus said ‘to talk of many things, of shoes …. and ships …. and sealing wax, … of cabbages … and Kings.’ (Note 1)

I love museums but often find that after an hour or so my initial enthusiasm and interest has waned, especially if you can see through to another exhibition hall …. leading on to another exhibition hall ….. leading on to …… and then the inevitable shop!

At some stage during my current stay in Estoril it was suggested that we visit the Jerónimos Monastery in the Lisbon suburb of Belém, after an admission that I hadn’t yet wandered the hallowed corridors where the monks had first created the little custard tarts know as Pastel de Nata or Pastel de Belém (Note 2). We could also see the Torres de Belém.

Having booked online for a 1030 admission, we parked the car, saw a huge queue and thought it was a good thing we booked! We walked over to the head of the queue to show our tickets and were pointed to the back of the queue, some 200m long! Something was seriously wrong with the way this is organised! It as a warm, sunny day but the queue was stationary so we decided to see the Tower of Belém first.  

The tower, which used to stand on an island in the Tagus River before some land reclamation, had a similar length of queue so we asked a ticket seller whether we could get a refund and why there was a problem. Apparently the authorities has decided to reduce the visitor capacity of the monastery from 200 to 60 but hadn’t altered the online booking system!

Near to the tower stands a very powerful stone projection of the reach and influence of Portugal in the C15th and C16th. Today in the C21st it’s hard to remember just how powerful this little country of 10.5 million people (Note 3) had been.

The first figure on the ‘prow’ of the Monument to the Discoverers is Prince Henry The Navigator (1394-1460), tasked by King Manuel I to explore!!

 

Third on the eastern flank is Vasco de Gama who discovered India in 1498 and next Pedro Alvares Cabral (see PC 349) the first European to reach Brazil in 1502. Further exploration saw Portuguese influence stretching across southern Africa, to Australia, Goa (Note 4), Macao and East Timor.

In 1788 Governor Phillip claimed the continent of Australia for Britain, but only as far west as the 135° east longitude, not wanting to upset the Portuguese who, under the Treaty of Tordesillas, still had a presence in the area, particularly in Macau and East Timor.  By 1825, however, Britain was powerful enough and found it convenient to adopt the original line of 129° east, which today demarcates Western Australia from the Northern Territories.

So we planned to return, just Toni and me, to see the Maritime Museum; plenty of ships there, one might think.

The charts are fascinating, given the age when they were drawn …..

…. and this glorious globe dated around 1645 by the Dutchman Willem Jansz Blaeu, amazing in its details …….

….. and some models and oil paintings.

In the third exhibition hall, or was it the fourth (?), we came across ‘The British Ultimatum’ of 1890. The British required Portugal to give up the land between her African colonies, Angola on the west coast and Mozambique on the east; Britain would use force if necessary. So Portugal acquiesced and the land became the British colonies of Malawi and Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe, Malawi and Zambia. Portugal was extremely embarrassed by its inability to resist the British demands, and one can see here the seeds of dissent that would flower in revolution at the beginning of the C20th.

Angola on the west coast and Mozambique on the east

In some ways the large hanger-like building that houses a collection of boats, yachts and state barges is a metaphor for Portugal today.

Fascinating but rather dusty, reflecting a more glorious age. The Royal Barge was constructed in 1784 and was powered by 78 oarsmen using 40 oars.

It was last used when the late Queen Elizabeth II came on a State visit in 1957. Today it’s dusty!

So, onto Lewis Carroll’s ‘… and Kings’!

In my postcard about Mafra (PC 130 from 2018) I mentioned that when the republic was declared on 5^th October 1910 the King, Dom Manuel II, one of whose nicknames was The Unfortunate, left the country rather quickly by sea. He eventually settled in Fulwell Park in Twickenham, London. His rapid departure was probably prompted by the memory of his father King Carlos I and his elder brother Crown Prince Luis Filipe’s assassination in Lisbon in 1908. Manuel died young in 1932 aged 42 and conspiracy theorists did not rule out foul play! His body was returned to Portugal by a Royal Navy Cruiser (HMS Concord) and, after a State Funeral, interred in the Royal Pantheon of the House of Braganza.

So no cabbages but ships, shoes on our feet, sealing wax on an ultimatum and now, no kings!

Richard 22^nd September 2023

Estoril

www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

PS Next year on the 25^th April Portugal will mark the 50^th Anniversary of the 1974 Carnation Revolution which saw the return to democracy after the dictatorship of Salazar (1928 – 1968)

Note 1 Lewis Carroll, best known for his ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’, also wrote a poem called ‘The Walrus and the Carpenter’. It’s about entitlement and encroachment; it’s lovely nonsense but please ….. read it in full?

Note 2 Traditionally large quantities of egg whites were used to stiffen the clothes of the monks and nuns. The surplus egg yolks were used to make pastries and custard tarts. After the Liberal Revolution in 1820 and under increasing likelihood of closure, the monastery monks started selling Pastéis de Nata to the nearby sugar refinery. The monastery closed in 1834 and the recipe was sold to the refinery.

Note 3 Of these 10.5 million, 94% are Portuguese, 1.5% Brazilians, 1.5% Black, 1.5% mixed race and 1.5% other Europeans – but ask another reference and you get a different make up!

Note 4 Goa on the western seaboard was invaded by India in 1961 and after a mere 36 hours became an Indian state. (See PC 330)

Being a regular reader of ‘The Times’, whether in its paper copy or digitally via the internet, I often read Caitlin Moran’s column in Times 2 or in the Saturday Magazine. She’s insightful about a wide range of topics with a wicked sense of humour and the ability to bring out the verbal ‘hat pin’ ready to prick pomposity! As a feminist, she’s written a number of non-fiction books such as ‘How to be a Woman’ and ‘Moranthology’ and it was during a speaking tour in 2014 promoting the first that, in the Q&A session after her talk, a woman asked: “What advice would you give to the mothers of teenage boys?”  At the time, she was rather dismissive, telling the mother that other men, their father perhaps, should be the ones giving advice, being an ardent feminist and all.

Wind the clock forward five years and her teenage daughters need advice! In her book ‘What About Men?’ she recalls a Zoom call with three teenage girls and four teenage boys. “It’s harder to be a boy than a girl now. Everything is stacked against boys.” says Milo. “The girls talk about how scared they are of sexual violence – but the boys are much more likely to be attacked. It’s a fact; everyday I’m scared I’m going to be stabbed!”

George: “Girls don’t have to worry about getting into a fight or being stabbed. But there’s a lot of ‘she said/he said stuff’; in school rumours will suggest that such-and-such a boy has raped a girl, then it turns out they did have sex but she changed her mind, afterwards – or wanted to get back at him. A lot of boys are too scared to even talk to girls now!”

Moran found there was no good guide (Note 1) to help teenagers become happy contented men. So she wrote ‘What About Men?’ but was no way prepared for the backlash. One group were all: “How dare you suggest men have problems communicating their emotions?” and the other: “How dare you suggest that men should communicate their emotions? We are not biologically designed to be emotional!” During one of her Q&As, one woman’s response was to address these angry men: “If you don’t see yourselves reflected in this book, I suspect a lot of the girlfriends, mothers and colleagues do!”

Why, you might ask, am I writing a postcard about this? Curiosity for one thing; secondly as I have three grandsons all currently under twelve, I feel I need to understand, to use a nautical metaphor, the waters in which they swim and will swim and whether they will be able to go with the flow or have to fight against the tide; and thirdly because my daughter teaches in a secondary school, is currently Head of Year 11, and has to understand the issues her male students are presented with. My curiosity was highlighted in a column in The Times, whose headline was ‘A Question: why are men so rubbish at asking them?’ by Decca Aitkenhead, the paper’s Chief Interviewer. “Men”, says Nihal Arthanayake in his book  ‘Let’s Talk; How to have better Conversations’ “ are not curious – a conversation with a typical straight man is like playing tennis with someone who only serves at you.” Recalling her days at university, Decca wrote: “A fellow undergraduate seduced almost all the females on the course, despite him being not particularly handsome. I asked him his secret.” “It’s so unbelievably easy, I don’t get why every bloke doesn’t do it.” “What?” “I ask questions and am prepared to listen to the answers.”

I am not sure whether I fell into the ‘not curious’ group in my early life, but soon needed to be ultra-curious when I started my third 16 year-career as an executive coach. Getting inside someone’s head to understand them so that I could suggest alternatives/change required curiosity and the ability to ask the important question, like: “How do you feel?” And I remain curious about people today. In the men’s changing rooms at the yoga studio I can’t help myself in engaging with the others, impulsively wanting to know who there are/what they do/why they came to yoga – now naturally curious!

Men generally do not talk about sex, apart from in some meaningless banter. I mentioned Caitlin’s book to our masseuse the other day and said I could personally reinforce the idea that men don’t talk to each other about sex and its pluses and minuses! She immediately volunteered that she, her thirty-something daughter and a friend had sat on the beach the other evening and her daughter had looked for guidance on how to address the infrequency of her own sex life with her busy boyfriend. I can’t imagine men doing this.

I’ll scribble about pornography in the second part of this postcard as, according to Moran, some 65% of men admit to watching it. Apparently the addiction starts early.

But one of the issues that seems to have been overlooked, or dismissed as being in the ‘too difficult’ corner, is the fact that girls’ cerebellums reach physical maturity at 11 years old, whereas for boys it’s 15. What if we changed the way we educate our future generations to reflect this difference somehow in the structure of the syllabus, the ‘what, when & where’? I wonder whether other developed countries try and address this issue? I thought I was a fan of mixed sex schools, have suffered from being in a male-only environment from my early years until when I left the Armed Forces aged 39 (Note 2), but now, understanding this difference, I am not sure!

More in Part 2 …….

Richard 15th September 2023

Estoril

www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

Note 1 There are guides to masculinity but most promote a rather skewed view, unbalanced and biased. Not ‘good’ guides.

Note 2 Not completely true as gradually female soldiers became more integrated. But for instance in my last job in 32 Guided Weapons Regiment, the only woman among 450 men was the Assistant Adjutant, Rebecca Adams, but it was 1985!

Duncan, the manager of The Hope Café, emailed me, as I hadn’t been in for three weeks or more:

“Hi! Richard. Hope you and Celina are enjoying Portugal and we look forward to seeing you back here soon. This is just to let you know that we closed as planned a fortnight ago, Friday 25^th August, for our renovations, initiated with the generosity of the legacy of dear Edith (PC 278 April 2022). We do miss her! Some of our regular customers who have the skills we need are working for free and often in the evening, so I am hoping we will reopen on Friday 22^nd September. I have put up in the window two sketches, one of how we were and one showing how it should look! I have attached a photo:

We’ve already got the steel columns in place and the RSJ (Note 1) is now supporting the first floor. I am happy with the progress we’re making and the wonderful support and time my regulars have been giving. I am sure you would have been here if you hadn’t been in Portugal!

Before we closed we cleared out all the perishable items and took them to the local food bank. Libby took a couple of week’s holidays but she and Josh will between them manage the Coffee Cart that we have hired from Brad Stevens (@cups_coffeevan) for the period. The council gave us permission to station it to the left of the café; it’s open from 0730 to 1630 and so far has proved a God-send to our regulars. We all know that generally people are fickle about stuff and if we’re closed for too long will find somewhere else for their coffee and then may not return, so I am hoping this will keep them loyal.

A photo of Brad’s Coffee Cart in a park somewhere!

Brad gave Josh some useful instruction and he’s using it like a pro! How are you doing? Best wishes Duncan”

“Dear Duncan

Thanks for this; I have been kept vaguely up-to-date by others but now have an even better idea of how it’s going. I guess we’ve all got stories of builders and those who call themselves professionals – just the other day we recommended a good plumber, Henry Rodrigues, to a friend who had an insistent leak in her shower-room, despite the landlord providing someone to fix it. Henry reckoned the guy had no clue whatsoever!! I was reminded that when we first moved into our new apartment; we couldn’t understand why there was a constant smell of drains, until a good plumber looked under the kitchen sink and found the U-bend had been attached incorrectly! So I am delighted to read everyone’s putting their own professional expertise to good use.

Can you ask Libby to email any news she has of Susie as I don’t have her email address? Good luck! Richard”

A couple of days later I got an email from Libby:

“Hi! Richard. Not sure how much you’ve seen of New Zealand (Note 2) but after her stint as a chalet girl in the snow fields of Queenstown, I had expected Susie to travel up the west coast of South Island before crossing the Cook Strait. I was there many decades ago and think the Haast River valley one of the most beautiful in the whole country, so imagined her going there, on to see the Franz Joseph glacier and then Hokitika etc. But she decided to hitch up the East coast ….

…….. past the Moeraki Boulders Beach

….. then up through Christchurch, over the Waimakariri River

….. across to Wellington and up the middle of North Island

Kapiti Island on the west coast at sunset – far away to the left is the northern tip of South Island

….. and through Rotarua to Auckland. She was planning to find some work there but, on a weekend up in the Bay of Islands, Margie, a niece of mine who lives in Hobart, Tasmania, got in touch via WhatsApp saying she had an opening in her catering business for a couple of months, starting at the beginning of September. So, as far as I can tell, she got a seat on one of the twice-a-week direct flights with Jetstar and is now working for Margie in Hobart, hopefully until the end of October. She asked me to pass on her thanks, via you (!), to Michael in Auckland who had offered help in extremis but all good.

Alright for some, huh! Although between you and me she deserves this: needs to sort out her head and come back to Hove and The Hope. She might, of course, decide not to come back, or maybe bring someone with her! Who knows? Life huh!

Duncan says we’ll reopen on the 22^nd September. I’ve been to see the progress and think he’s optimistic; I peeped inside and took this photograph:

but we’ll see. Fingers crossed! Take Care Richard and enjoy the sun. Libby”

Without The Hope Café and its customers to provide me with ideas for my postcards, I have fallen back on my file with cuttings from this and notes about that. Some months ago there was some correspondence about Ovaltine.

It’s probable only my older readers who will have drunk a cup of Ovaltine, the malted milk drink believed to make you sleep better, but maybe I’m wrong? Personally the best drink to ensure a good night’s sleep was, I thought, a tumbler filled 50:50 with whiskey and hot milk! What I hadn’t appreciated was Ovaltine’s aphrodisiac qualities and this little ditty should be sung to the tune of the Christmas carol ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing’:

“Uncle George and Auntie Mabel fainted at the breakfast table. Let this be an awful warning, not to do it in the morning.

But Ovaltine has put them right, now they do it morn and night.

Uncle George is hoping soon, to do it in the afternoon.

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing, Ovaltine’s a damn good thing.”

Roll on the reopening of The Hope Café!

Richard 8^th September 2023

Estoril

www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

Note 1 Rolled Steel Joist – often in an ‘I’ shape.

Note 2 Libby doesn’t know of my fairly extensive knowledge of New Zealand.

If it was a jubilee, 50 would be golden; nice thought?

There was no plan, no target, no goal, just an initial desire back in 2014 to send the sort of ‘Wish You Were Here’ postcard from Brazil. Quite easy to develop habits and here we are, nine years later, producing a postcard every week about my observations and take on living in the C21st. Reaching the 350^th immediately tells you, if you’re numerate, that another year has gone by, well, less two weeks, since the 300^th.

Our major travel adventure this year was five days in the Atacama Desert in northern Chile (PCs 319 and 320), book-ended by time in Rio de Janeiro. We stayed in a wonderful hotel in San Pedro de Atacama, Noi Casa de Atacama, and from there travelled out to various places such as the Atacama Salt Lakes,  

The Atacama Salt Lake, about 165kms by 50kms

… up to 4150m in the foothills of The Andes to the twin lakes of Miscanti and Miniques

The Miscanti Lake with a rain shower

and to Lunar Valley with its unbelievable rock formations.

What a strange and wonderful place, one that prompted me to paint a couple of triptychs, which I hung together.

We also made friends with Andreas and Andrea from Berlin and tried to visit in June, but EasyJet cancelled our plans, for now!

Continental travel was reflected in some memories of driving to Greece with five others in 1965 (PC346 Puds to Greece), an appropriate memory at this time of year as, on our return, we faced our A Level examination results on which our future depended. We have also stayed in Lisbon for a night (PC 349) and PC 339 ‘With a Connecting Door’ had a travelling theme. In the United Kingdom a couple of nights in the City of Bath with my mother-in-law and Toni were covered by ‘An American in Bath’ PC 337

and a rather wet week with my daughter and my three grandchildren in Devon by PC 347 Frogmore, Devon.

Dartmouth from the castle

Our Gaggia machine with some Illy grounds produce our breakfast coffees but, always looking for ‘copy’ for my scribbles, I started going for a coffee in The Hope Café here in Hove in October 2021, almost two years ago. Since then I have got to love this place, its staff, its customers and the ambience. I think fourteen of my posts in this batch of 50 concern goings on in The Hope Café and key has been my relationships with Sami & Lisa, with Mo, with the late Edith and with Josh and Susie behind the counter. Susie has of course gone off with on her much delayed ‘Gap Year’ so I rely on her aunt Libby to keep me up to date; I think she’s still in New Zealand – should have an update next week.

It’s hard to believe that after another year, the final settlements that should mark the end of the Post Office scandal and the subsequent initiation of criminal charges against those responsible remain as unattainable as ever. Because of my relationship with Sami I have remained interested in this dreadful miscarriage of justice; otherwise the story would have faded back into the general ‘news’ pot. Sami, who had gone to India to find his roots, signed up for a tour of the historical sites of the Indian Mutiny (PC 302) while he was there and found Lisa Wallace, a journalist. Sami introduced Lisa to his friends in The Hope Café and subsequently I have learned of Lisa’s awful experiences at the hands of her controlling ex-partner Andrew (See PC 335). Rightly the issue of controlling, coercive, belittling behaviour has been seen for what it is, personal abuse, and HM Government has legislated against it.

In addition to writing about the serious subject of coercive behaviour and its prevalence, one of my postcards concerned a single subject, Sepsis. (PC 334). The more people are aware of this lethal condition the more likelihood less people will die from it.    

Relationships are always part of my life and part of your lives but it was only this year I learned about IRL – meaning ‘in real life’. There is obviously a genuine need to distinguish between a fantasy world and one’s real life, but when an individual can’t see or understand the difference the potential for danger to themselves and to others is apparent.

There are more and more docudramas that have an alternative belief as their framework, religious or otherwise, the top of the list being the beliefs of Ultra-Orthodox Jews. I touched in this in PC 305 exploring in brief the main ideas that run through these groups.

My postcard entitled Tradition (PC 341), prompted by the coronation of the new king, got the prize for the most comments.

‘From Pillar to Post’ (PC 308 ), ‘Bits & Bobs’ (PC 310) and ‘Jottings’ (PC 323) pulled together thoughts and observations about this and that; bits & bobs even!!

In PC 348 I recounted how Mo had asked me why I remembered Bastille Day; I explained of my more recent memory that the storming of the Bastille in 1789. Jonathan commented:

“National myths can run wild, as with Quatorze Juillet. Thus, The Bastille was a rather unimpressive fortification with low walls, not as in the paintings. It contained only 7 prisoners: 4 forgers, ‘an Irish lunatic’, an energetic adept of the Marquis de Sade, and a man who had plotted to kill the King. However, it is generally advisable to leave other people’s national myths well alone – only ours are true.”

Communication, either good or bad, is key to a better understanding of where we are, what we’re at. After reading PC 349 about Facebook’s ability to predict what one’s doing/interested in, you’ll be pleased to know that it’s the iCloud that’s listening, for I have observed it!

… or should it be the ‘ear cloud’?

I wonder what sort of summary I’ll be writing about in PC 400, before I post it on Friday 16^th August 2024?

Richard 1^st September 2023

http://www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

I am really not sure what to make of a recent experience of mine? I can smile and yet am concerned in equal measure. But let me explain so that you can offer your own interpretations, if you wish. These scribbles are focused on one particular issue but I have wrapped it with a few layers to make it more interesting!

We drove into Lisbon last Wednesday for a night in a hotel. It was only when we were a few kilometres from our destination that we realised we had left Francisquinha behind. (See PCs 172, 217 and 331). Anyone who has had a young child in the rear seat suddenly burst into tears and exclaim that they had left their favourite stuffed animal at home will recognise the situation; worried looks between mother and father and thoughts about how they will soothe the situation without driving home to collect the animal. So it was with Francisquinha, although I think we were more worried about what she might get up to, left alone for 24 hours!

In central Lisbon there is a lovely shaded square called Jardim das Amoreiras, a place where local inhabitants can sit under the Mulberry trees, collect a snack or a drink from the little café and if they’re lucky listen to music from an itinerant guitarist.

The south west side of the square is bounded by part of the magnificent Aqueduto das Aguas Livres, an 18km aqueduct

which opened in 1748, survived the 1755 earthquake that destroyed much of the city, and remained the major supplier of the city’s drinking water until 1973. (Note 1)  

at ground level

The leaf of the Mulberry tree is essential food for the larvae of the Mulberry silk worm. I read that they will spend about a month chomping their way through lots of leaves before resting in a pupa stage. After some 10 days they emerge as the silk worm moth – for a rather short life of some 5 to 10 days. The Hotel das Amoreiras obviously chose the Mulberry Silk Moth as its motif.

By now you’re probably thinking he better start taking about this coincidence – ‘a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection’ (see PC 328 March 2023) – that isn’t or I’ll stop reading. Patience dear reader!

My mother-in-law had stayed in the Hotel das Amoreiras before, liked it and its friendly staff, and wanted to stay here for the night before her birthday. The booking was made and around 1600hrs on Wednesday afternoon we checked in, without Francisquinha! The reception is at the end of a gloriously furnished room with an open bar at the other; ‘clubby’ was the atmosphere created but definitely not stuffy clubby!

We all went up to my mother-in-law and Toni’s room on the first floor before Celina and I went up to ours. At the end of the corridor was a floor-to-ceiling mirror and in the middle a framed black & white photograph of Sean Connery and Ursula Andress.

(Note my feet at the edges!)

Those of us of a certain age will instantly recognise the two actors who played starring roles in Dr No, the first cinematic adaption of Ian Fleming’s 1958 book of the same name; Connery as 007 and Andress as Honey Ryder. It was 1962 and this still photograph from some downtime on set has proved an enduring memory. When I saw it I mentioned it to Toni: “Isn’t that great! Good film, Dr No, great actors obviously having some fun!” Toni agreed! At the other end of the corridor was a black & white photograph of Charlie Chaplin so I imagined Pedro & Alicia, the hotel owners, are film aficionados.

We had agreed to meet outside around 1640 and I walked out into the square and sat, listening to a delightful guitar solo from the chap. Still within the internet coverage of the hotel, I checked my emails and clicked on Facebook. We get used to buying something in a store or online and then being inundated with advertisements from the same company, offering more of what you’ve just bought. For example last month I bought an Osprey backpack in the Cotswold shop in Brighton and was then inundated with offers for more backpacks. Why would I want to buy another one right now? In a year or three maybe, but right now?

However the second item that lit up on my Facebook screen was this:

Could someone explain it? My only thought was that my mobile listened to my conversation with Toni in the corridor outside their room, looking at the picture and someone/something thought I/it will make him smile and posted this on my Facebook account. Big brother? Whatever happened I think it’s scary!

Near to the hotel was Avenida Álvares Cabral with Cabral’s statue sitting at the southern end, at the entrance to Jardim da Estrela (The Garden of the Stars). Pedro Álvares Cabral, 1467 – 1520, was a ‘Portuguese nobleman, military commander, navigator and explorer regarded as the European discoverer of Brazil’. Note the use of the adjective European; to those who already lived there, it didn’t need discovering! Brazil is of course the only country in South America to speak Portuguese.

At first glimpse, against the bright sky, I may be forgiven for thinking the statue is of a hooded witch with a staff, bending forward. On closer inspection it’s Cabral with a flag blowing in the wind – well, frozen in bronze wind.

In six days from now, on 31^st August the earth will see a bluish tint to the moon. Blue moons occur every two to three years; in 2018 we had two but will have to wait until 2037 for that to reoccur. In the bar after supper we tried to think, as you do, who had sung the Rogers & Hart song ‘Blue Moon’?

Richard 25^th August 2023

Estoril Portugal

www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

PS Francisquinha looked somewhat space-out on our return.

Note 1 At the bottom of the square is a large dominant building that was the cistern for the aqueduct (reservatório da Mãe d’Água das Amoreiras) but now houses a museum and is an occasional venue for art exhibitions.