It sat on the shelf in the kitchen, all forlorn, sort of pulsating and sending out a message …. ‘my shelf life expires in April next year’ ….. ‘eat me’! All wrapped up and pretty, but sad and unloved. Should it be taken back to whence it came or would that be completely ridiculous, as it weighed over a kilo? The packaging looked good and neat; shame to unwrap it.
But unwrap it we did ….. yesterday …. knowing that over a few days it would be reduced to a few crumbs.
It had been bought with the best intentions, flown for 11 hours, arriving without mishap ……. but the world into which it arrived had emotionally changed and its presence was really not wanted, not then …….. so it sat on that shelf ….. looking at those who went by, hoping that someone would pick it up and make a decision. Returning it to the country where it was bought would have been a little like the reality of that saying ‘coals to Newcastle’. (Ed: Newcastle is a university city in the north east of England. At one time its port would have shipped coal overseas …… and the last thing you would have done would have been to take coal back to Newcastle.) It could have been returned to the supermarket where it was purchased for on the packaging it offered: “Should you not be happy with this product please bring the packaging back to any Waitrose branch and we will replace the item and refund you.” What? Over a year ago? Really?
So maybe we could use it this year? …… Why not now? …… The weather in spring here has been so cold (OK! Tropical ‘cold’, not northern Europe ‘cold’) ……. So it was taken down off the shelf and the instructions read. Microwave or cook properly? Time saving at the possible expense of taste and texture – ‘for best results do not microwave’. What? Steam for three hours? You must be kidding; we’ll need shares in the company who supplies the gas. No! No! That’s what it says …….. in addition to making sure that the water is no allowed to bowl away.
So it was that on the last night of September we had a new pudding, a Christmas pudding. Does this sound ridiculous? Well maybe it does but do you know what away from all the over eating and stuffing both the birds and ourselves and eating rich food and drinking funny drinks and making merry etc etc it was such a joy to open the cooked pudding, turn it out and smell that gorgeous aroma of fruits and currents and peel and cherries and ….. We didn’t have any Holly, as Holly doesn’t grow in the tropics, or indeed any brandy to ignite …… and actually no brandy butter because you need brandy and we didn’t have any.
Just a small plate …… with a little heap of Christmas pud on it ….. and a fork. Yum! Yum! Yum!
These are seriously inane scribbles
Richard 1st October 2016 Rio de Janeiro
PS There was sadly no Uncle Tommy (see PC 27) to watch our antics but perhaps that was just as well. Any more please?