I was musing the other day about what has become the title of this postcard: ‘Why Can’t I just be Me?’ The obvious first question is how to define ‘me’! A writer uses ‘me’ to refer to himself or herself. I didn’t think this is very helpful as I think ‘me’ resides between my ears, somewhere inside my head – although I could conceive ‘me’ living in my arse sometimes! Depends on the mood, the ‘this’, the ‘that’, happy, sad, tired, enthused, excited, interested …. take your pick.

There really is of course ‘nothing new under the sun’!

Written on The Temple of Apollo in the ancient Greek precinct of Delphi is this wonderful demand: “Know Thyself.” Socrates interpreted this to mean that an essential part of knowing yourself must be recognising the limits of your own wisdom and understanding; knowing what you do genuinely know and knowing what you have to learn. Another ancient Greek, one of its seven founding figures, Thales of Miletus, is recorded as saying it’s the most difficult thing in life, to know yourself.

Not sure whether you buy your Broad Beans from Mr Birdseye, from your local market stall when they are in season or are able to pick them from your vegetable patch, but it was only about 30 years ago I was told they should be double-podded before they’re cooked ie you strip off the outer skin then remove the inner layer to get at the real essence of the broad bean. The parallels with our human existence are obvious; to be ‘me’ you need to get underneath your own skin, to acknowledge just who you are. The basic ‘me’ is made up of my values, a sense of right and wrong, my attributes ie qualities that define my character, skills that I have learned over my life, my attitude and beliefs ….. these have all coalesced into ‘me’.

We are no Chameleons but often ‘wear’ a character, a disguise that’s not a true version of oneself. The immediate example for me is that of the cold caller/salesman. When I became an outplacement consultant in 1991 and latterly running my own leadership coaching business, I had to make those ‘cold calls’ to sell my services and win the business. Sometimes you just have to do something that’s not really ‘you’ but it’s liberating to take the mask off afterwards! 

The older one gets, the more confident one becomes in reinforcing ‘me’! In one’s youth it’s easy to get drawn into the group, the need to ‘belong’ a very basic human instinct. A good example was my decision to give up alcohol back in 2002. (See PC 15 ‘Alcohol and Other Drugs’ June 2014 and PC 257 ‘Alcohol and the British Issue’ November 2021) To some it seemed unfathomable that I would forgo something I had obviously loved, was part of ‘me’! “Still not drinking then? Go on; one won’t hurt!” bellowed Tony, pouring his own Gin & Tonic and perhaps subconsciously questioning his own need for alcohol. Why couldn’t Tony let me be me, or a new version of me?

In the late ‘80s I went to Egypt with a friend who didn’t do planning, didn’t do ‘booking’, just happy to see what might transpire. I was extremely uncomfortable at the thought and insisted at the very least we book a hotel in Cairo for the beginning and end of our stay. Being emotionally uncomfortable is not me; I need to be organised.

When I am drawing some threads together that possibly will become a postcard, I am delighted when serendipity plays her hand. Some days ago I read of Rowan Atkinson saying: “I hate it when people ask me ‘why are you so quiet?’ Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others: ‘Why are you so noisy? Why do you talk so much?’ It’s rude!” Perfect: Rowan being himself.

Back to being me. I wrote a few weeks ago how in any creative aspect of life, of composing music, writing plays or songs, painting in oils or in acrylics, there are those who do it well and those who do it adequately, some perfectionists, some producers who create for the popular market and some who simply get by. I tend to believe I am in the latter category with both my writing and my painting, although the judge is oneself! I was described as ‘autodidactic’ last month; I had to look up its meaning! And the funny thing is I recognise this ‘me’, that I can do something perfectly adequately, but I am no perfectionist. So I bumble along, like being me, but resist when others suggest I should do a course, practise more, become ‘better’ – whatever that might mean.

For I really love being engaged, recognising that doing something creative requires complete focus, so that out of the brush grasped between your fingers you lay out your thoughts, your imaginings or their representation.

We live with others, almost by definition, as without others no one could ‘be’ and this produces constraints. “A man can be trapped by his own masculinity or what is perceived by his masculinity. (Note 1) They feel they have to act in a certain way because that’s what society as a whole expects. So most men end up living a life that is not really theirs; it’s dictated by societal expectations.” So perception and the expectation of others often discourage us from being ourselves.

Last weekend was Brighton’s Pride weekend, with parades etc; some 300,000 gathered here to celebrate, something unthinkable before the 1970s. We have come an extremely long way, a difficult and tortuous way, so that people can be themselves, be ‘me’.

He obviously loves yellow; just being himself.

In the final analysis, of course I can be ‘me’, with a confidence of understanding just what ‘me’ comprises and live with myself!

Richard 9^th August 2024

Hove

www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

Note 1 There should be no difference in the concept of either masculinity or femininity.