Have you noticed how tailors think of everything when designing unisex trousers? There are two pockets on either side at the front, two at the back over the cheek of each bum and possibly a little pocket for change – it’s not one I personally have every used, not sure how it originated and why it still exists. Maybe someone will enlighten me?
So, four pockets, although humans only have two arms. In Hinduism, goddesses are often depicted having multiple arms. Lakshmi, the goddess of fortune has four, as does Saraswati, the goddess of knowledge and art. Durga is the goddess of war and has between eight and eighteen arms! Who thought up this idea in the first place? Why?
Durga the Goddess of War
So why have we only got two arms? (Note 1)
As humans have evolved, we have got used to using our arms, and the digits on their end, for all sorts of things. One arm is useful for taking something off a top shelf at home; washing one’s armpits using the alternative arm; masturbating; scratching one’s head; summoning a taxi, adding to the verbal ‘taxi!’ shout;
holding a cricket bat/squash or tennis racket/golf club; with the digits writing/typing/drawing/painting/cooking; acting out Auguste Rodin’s The Thinker, one elbow on the knee, the chin resting on a hand; wiping one’s arse; shaking hands with someone; using a fork or spoon – a knife more difficult but not impossible; playing the piano one-handed ….. holding your mobile phone and texting if you have very flexible fingers.
Two arms are useful driving (some people prefer to use one but the professional view is that the hands should be on the steering wheel at 10 to 2 on the clock face, although some feel that resting their arm on the window cill gives them as much control should something untoward happen – not!); in the old days tying a tie but does anyone wear a tie these days? – if you do it requires two hands therefore two arms; for a man putting his socks on, for a woman fastening their bra or putting their tights on; replacing a soiled nappy; tying one’s shoe laces; playing the piano two handed; bringing an aeroplane to its stand on the apron, using those lovely ‘wands’; firing a rifle; if you’re a male, doing up one’s button flies, almost impossible with only one hand; texting from your mobile phone; holding your mobile phone in case, just in case, someone rings you and you have to answer it, irrespective of what you are doing or whom you are talking to, as in the other hand you have to have a bottle of water.
Someone has stated quite categorically that humans must drink at least 2 litres of water every day, as well as walking 10,000 steps, and everyone has accepted this as gospel. If you drink coffee that doesn’t count. Have you ever tried walking in a relaxed style with something in both hands? In the military the ordinary ‘quick march’ requires the participants to swing their arms, alternatively to the legs. Marching in slow time is achieved by pushing your foot forward, as flat as possible, keeping your arms by your side. It’s such an unnatural thing to do!
So, you’ve got your essential bottle of water that you can’t leave home without and your mobile phone that has become attached to your body ….. and you get an itch on your head/wear a dress that has a split front which keeps opening and you’re embarrassed a little and you want to use your arm to hold it closed but one arm is holding your mobile phone and the other a bottle of water …. you need a third one.
Multitasking, doing more than one thing at once, used to be the preserve of those at work or mothers with small children. Now everyone is encouraged to multitask. You can’t go for a walk without taking your mobile and a bottle of bottle and now you’re encouraged to plug yourself into some entertainment or ‘learning experience’ – you can’t just listen to the sound of silence.
You stick your EarPods in your ears so you can answer the mobile should it ring/listen to a Podcast about the nomads of the Kalahari/a recipe for tonight’s supper and suddenly all you hear are the sounds through your earpods …. not the sound of the traffic, especially those electric cars which sneak up on you when you’re crossing the road …. just as Simon Reeve explains something about the Tropic of Capricorn in Chile …….
Then you see Mary across the road and you want to wave and catch her attention. But in one hand you’ve got your mobile phone and in another you’ve got a full bottle of water because you haven’t had time to drink any because you’ve been listening to that podcast on Chile, or you were until Spotify decided you should listen to something else and without asking, probably because you pushed the phone against your leg, switched …. and another arm is holding your skirt together as …… you need another arm to hold your handbag/manbag!
And if you ever need convincing of the need for more than two arms, imagine this situation, which is probably familiar to many. You’ve been invited to a drinks party with ‘finger food’. On arrival you are offered a drink; you take one (one arm) (Note 2) and then a waiter passes by and offers you a vol-au-vent, which you know will be hot so you need to let it cool down, and a paper napkin; you take one (two arms) and then the host brings someone over and you’re introduced …. with a handshake (three arms) ….. just at the instant the babysitter calls your mobile (four arms)!! How did we cope when another arm was needed for a cigarette?
Just idle thoughts – and I haven’t started on the third eye!
Richard 2nd August 2024
Hove
Note 1 I admire the way that those who don’t possess, through birth defects or accident, either one or two arms, cope. This tongue in cheek postcard is just that!
Note 2 At posh parties a little plastic thingummyjig was provided. It clipped onto your plate and held your wine glass.
postcards 