Sufficient time has passed since Celina’s sister Ana Luiza died that I feel I can revisit my thoughts from seven months ago. It was on a wet Monday early in December last year I found myself ‘in support and under command for movement’ (Note 1) of my wife Celina. In short, the previous week Ana Luiza had gone into the local hospital’s ICU after suffering a blockage to her respiratory tract, which resulted in oxygen deprivation. She did not recover.

I find it hard to accept that the funeral was planned so quickly, brought up to believe the importance of a time interval, to come to terms with a death and to allow those at a distance to attend if possible. It feels unseemly to bury someone within a day or so, in haste almost, although this is very common in so many faiths across the world. The contra view: “Let’s get this over with, then we can grieve and reflect.”

The family gathered at the Centro Funerário de Cascais in the suburb of Alcabideche, Portugal, around 1000, to sit with her body and to accept the condolences of friends and those who had cared for her at Quintaessencia, (note 2) a day and residential home in Abrunheira that  “ …. promoted the greatest possible autonomy for the residents, stimulating their development and valuing their abilities, in a safe environment.”

I recognised Miguel Mata Pereira who had been the Clinical Director but was now pursuing his PhD in Educational Psychology. I remember visiting before Ana Luiza had moved from Rio, being given a tour of their wonderful facilities. “You allow the residents to smoke?” I asked seeing a resident come out and light a cigarette. “Why not? We must treat them as adults with their own free will. And if they form romantic attachments with others, so be it!” It was a refreshing attitude of someone caring for vulnerable people; the easy answer was ‘control’!

A few years ago Celina’s brother had taken advantage of Portugal’s hugely successful ‘Investment Residency Visa’ policy. (Note 3) The international nature of his children’s school is reflected in some of the other parents who had come to pay their respects, a Brazilian/Swiss property developer and his Brazilian wife and a South African and his Mexican partner.

In keeping with the Catholic tradition, Celina’s sister’s body lay in an open casket, surrounded by flowers, a posy wrapped by her hands; she looked very peaceful. I am not a fan of this open display, preferring my memories to be of the living and not possibly replaced by that of the dead. But while I type this, the latter is all I see! Around midday a priest arrived to conduct a short service around the coffin. Naturally it was in Portuguese and I had no real idea what was said, although I recognised the Lord’s Prayer with its familiar lilt; others mumbled the automatic responses to the priest’s petitions. The family were offered a little communion wafer but oddly no wine. After the priest left I sensed the atmosphere was slightly lighter and memories surfaced; for example, how Ana Luiza had claimed to be married to her fitness instructor Leno and had two children! Everyone agreed she had had a very fertile imagination!

In another of the crematorium’s areas, the gathering was all over in three hours. I glanced through the huge glass entrance wall, envious at those leaving, but I was ‘in support’ so had to remain. Time has no meaning for those who grieve, for those whose heart has broken; the moment to say goodbye should never come but it does, just like a train departing, or the moment an examination ends, or when the curtains close after a stage show or the conductor’s baton is allowed its final flourish to bring the orchestra’s performance to a close.

The falling drizzle matched the human expressions of grief, completely natural and beneficial. Those who had looked after her in Quintaessencia had come to say goodbye, that bond between the carer and the cared-for very evident. Isabella, who did the midnight to midday shift because it suited her, says she was extremely popular; Andre, who was inconsolable at Ana’s death, was just that, inconsolable. I recognise the same issues we have in the Care Sector in the UK, lack of staff. The Spanish sector pays more and many Portuguese move across the border.

The coffin’s lid was finally placed gently over the base: a last look, a last heart-wrench and then the departed truly depart through doors to the crematorium. On the way home, there was silence in the car, everyone’s own immediate thoughts crowding out the external world, whose urgent nature would soon re-impose itself.  

That physical umbilical cord that started life is finally severed forever, although the emotional one has no end.

Her cousin commented: “Ana Luiza was in a way God’s gift – to help us be more loving and caring to others.”

Richard 21^st July 2023

http://www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

Note 1 The Military has various states of command, for obvious reasons. ‘In Command’ and ‘Under Command’ are well understood but there are others. As a Gunner, we were often ‘In Support’ of some operation, the command element remaining in the Royal Artillery Chain of Command. In a complex operation we might have had to fit in with an overall movement strategy, so could have been ‘In Support and Under Command for Movement’.

Note 2 Translated as ‘the fifth element’

Note 3 There was another visa option for retired individuals, to settle in Portugal and pay no tax for ten years. It was so popular with Finnish pensioners that the Finnish Government complained it was putting the country at a financial disadvantage! (Pensions being sent to Portugal and spent there – as opposed to being spent in Finland)