I went to the dentist the other day and, as always, chose a magazine from the collection on the side table in the waiting area – Vogue, Elle Decoration, Good Housekeeping and others for example – to while away the minutes before the enforced time in ‘the chair’. I am pleased to see the magazines have returned …..
…… as during the uncertainty caused by Covid they were all assumed to be carriers of the virus, so disappeared. (Note 1) As I was sucking up the contents of Elle, as if I can’t buy the magazine myself somewhere, I got engrossed in a series of articles about individuals termed ‘creatives’. After some minutes I found an article about some pottery by the Israeli chef Ottolenghi, inspired by the Sicilian style. These days it’s easy to simply take a photo.
Returning home with a numb cheek, I found a supplier on line, ordered a vase and it was delivered two days later (Note 2). I sent a photograph to Celina’s best friend Mimi, looking for confirmation of my taste.
Fortunately she thought it was gorgeous and so I explained via WhatsApp how, looking at a magazine in a doctors’ surgery close to home in Battersea in 2009, I had seen a photograph of a chap sweating doing yoga. At the time I was doing Hatha yoga twice a week but it wasn’t hot enough to produce sweat. I had asked a neighbour if they knew what sort of yoga it was, she said I’ll take you and on 11th March 2009 I joined 71 other individuals in a hot Balham studio for my first class of the Bikram series.
The ‘WhatsApp’ exchange continued:
“It seems so random ….. that you read an article in a random magazine and through that discovered a passion ……. and Celina (Note 3) ….. and moved to Hove and a change of life style.”
“C’est la vie!” (I was about to eat supper so didn’t want to engage right then in some philosophical debate, so this was a ‘hand-off’!)
“Really? Nothing more profound?” (Slightly incensed by my short repost?)
“More profound in a PC perhaps. But life can be extremely random!”
“Definitely a PC. I can understand ‘random’ about encounters and coincidences yes ….. but why one person reads or hears something then decides to follow up and someone doesn’t? Not sure why that happens …. you could explore this further?”
Well, that’s a nice challenge; where to start? Definitions maybe:
‘Random: made, done or happening without method or conscious decision.’
‘Fate: the development of events outside a person’s control, regarded as predetermined by a supernatural power.’
‘Coincidence: a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection.’
So …… I made a conscious decision to buy an Ottolenghi vase, ergo it can’t be random. And if fate is determined by some supernatural power, count me out. I love coincidences and find them in so much of my life but this was no coincidence; I didn’t go looking for a vase! We generally learn our behaviour, understand how our actions have a reaction, how our behaviour is dictated by how we think and feel and how experiences can act as a brake or an accelerator to those actions.
The trouble is there is so much conflicting advice out there. For example, if you were hurt or had something go wrong because of your actions, you might be more cautious next time: “Once bitten twice shy” goes the ‘brake’ saying, whilst the ‘accelerator’ prompts one to act: ‘He who hesitates is lost’, one of the Christian Proverbs – proverbs 3verse 2. Conversely, ‘Fools rush in ….’ (note 3) doesn’t mean every time you make a quick decision you’re an idiot!! Of course a person who spends too much time deliberating about what to do often loses the chance to act altogether; booking tickets for some international star’s concert – any hesitation and they’re sold out!
One’s personal preferences play a part here. Although dismissed by some, the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, based on Jungian principles, can offer a clue. It has four comparative preferences: Extraversion (E)/Introversion (I), Sensing (S)/Intuition (N), Thinking (T)/Feeling (F) and Judgement (J)/Perception (P). I register as ENTJ; an ‘N’ prefers the world of the future, of ideas, of possibilities. In addition someone who registers as a ‘J’ is quite decisive, whereas a ‘P’ wants more information, wants to do some research. So, I bought a vase, without buying a magazine entitled ‘What/Which Vase?’! An explanation of my decision perhaps?
One’s life is littered with ‘What If?’ choices; for instance, in 1985 I debated leaving the British Army after twenty years. What if I had stayed, where might my life have gone? No one will ever know and I am a firm believer we make such decisions …… and stick with them: regretting any decision is for the fairies. The fork in the path? Choose the road less travelled … or not?
Richard 31st March 2023
Hove
Note 1 Some ‘waiting areas’ have a wider assortment, obviously depending on the quality of the establishment, or not! For instance the gentlemen’s hairdresser in the exclusive Gavea Golf & Country Club in Rio de Janeiro’s Sāo Conrado suburb has a selection of magazines that cover interest in mansions costing millions of dollars, motor yachts that have ten cabins …… and the latest Playboy magazine!
Note 2 I had a Christmas gift of some money so it was good to choose something.
Note 3 Celina started practising hot yoga in September 2008. After over two and a half years of practising in the same classes, we agreed in September 2011 to have a meal somewhere. The rest is history.
Note 4 Alexander Pope (1688 – 1744) added ‘ ……where angels fear to tread’ to this proverb. He is well known for many other quotations, such as “To err is human: to forgive divine.”
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