I had promised Mo I would meet her in The Hope this week and so on Wednesday afternoon I popped in. Susie saw me and automatically started making a double espresso; being a regular anywhere has its advantages! I pulled up a chair at Mo’s table.

“Hi! Mo. Good to see you. You OK?”

A sort-of strangled “Yes” came out, as she had just put a large piece of a Brigadeiro into her mouth!

“I remember you saying that you had two twenty-something children. Did you see the column in the Sunday Times by Charlotte Ivers headlined ‘Over-forties! Your digital etiquette is appalling?’

She shook her head, wiping the chocolaty crumbs from her lips, and her look said, ‘tell me more’.

“I can only assume she has written the whole piece with her tongue firmly stuck into her cheek, but then I am over 40.”

“Me too!”

“She writes that there are only 3 circumstances when it is acceptable to call someone without prior warning: if you are married to them, if you are engaged to them or if someone has died. Never heard such nonsense! Alexander Bell would be turning in his grave. Surely if you want to talk to someone, dial their number. If it’s convenient, the recipient can answer the call; if not they won’t, although most seem obsessed about answering any call. If you don’t answer and it is important, they will try again!”

Mo showed me a flier that had been left on the tables:

“Come and chat! Every Thursday in April the Hope Café will be focusing on the art of conversation. Come in, have a tea or coffee and talk to someone.”

“What a great idea! It seems more and more people are living alone and rarely talk to anyone.”

“Don’t think you met Edith, Mo? Lovely elderly lady, a Kinder Transport child. Used to come in here regularly and was always up for a chat. Sadly she died towards the end of last year; but she was, I think, 89 or so.”

“Susie says Thursdays are going to be specifically for those who live on their own, who never normally talk to people. Loneliness, or social isolation for a modern description, can significantly increase a person’s risk of death, a risk on a par with those of smoking, obesity and physical inactivity. In extremis, it can take you down, and down, to a point when you fail to see any point in living.”

“Absolutely! Jenni Russell in her Times column suggested, inter alia, cafés’ reserving a table for those who are want to chat: a ‘talking table’! Now that’s a great idea and it sounds as though The Hope Café is right on the ball.

I think Susie said they are going to ask an aunt of hers to facilitate these ‘conversation days’, as some people are extremely shy and probably out of practice in talking to others.”

“What? Ensuring there’s no politics, no sex and no religion? Ha! Ha! You still watching the Couples Therapy series?”

“Yes, although when Cyn, as in Cyn & Yaya, talked about the abuse she had suffered as a child from her uncle and how this affected her relationships today, I wondered why she hadn’t tried to deal with it in one-on-one therapy and not bring it to the table of her relationship with Yaya. Incidentally had quite a lot of comments about my last PC on this programme, reinforcing how relationships define our lives. Orna talks about the need for both boundaries and space in relationships. My very first Hot Yoga teacher, Paul Dobson, writes that ‘….. committing to our relationships is a way to make space in our lives. Relationships are what open our hearts and spirits. So make space for a relationship and have space within it.’”

I roughed out a little diagram:

Sometimes a topic stays in the front of my mind for a while, challenging more thought, more research or just more focus. After a recent visit to my dentist, I thought about this particular relationship, with one’s dentist. (See also PCs 64 & 66 ‘Molars & Wisdom’) (Note 1) No matter how much you like them, once you’re in that chair you are captive to their whims. Unable to communicate as the suction device that removes your saliva is pulling your bottom lip down and your top lip feels the size of an Orca due to an injection, the best you can do is a quiet ‘er!’, ‘ah! or ‘oh!’ as appropriate. And where do you look? Stare at them, or obliquely at the nurse, or at the television that some modern Dental Clinics have installed above the chair but in the latter case if you don’t want to watch football …..?

Incidentally on Monday (20^th) had to go to Hove Implant Clinic. I didn’t need a reminder as that morning’s Codeword in the Times had ‘Implant’ as one of the answers!

I had been chatting to Mo for 20 minutes or so when Sami & Lisa walked in, shaking the rain off their umbrella, and sat down. Never enough time in the day and I needed to be on my way, I said goodbye to Mo and went across to Sami.

Without sitting down, I asked them if they would like to come to supper, as I sensed we could have an interesting evening. They looked delighted, so I offered to email some dates and walked out into the rain.

Richard 24^th March 2023

Hove

http://www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

PS You may have read in PC 326 the simple observation that Dove’s were advertising their Men’s skin care products alongside a rugby match, all brawn and toughness. (See note 2 below) Rather made a dent in the traditional image of male hunks and cauliflower ears, singing raunchy songs in a post-match bath and drinking huge quantities of beer. I made another observation during the Ireland V Scotland game the other weekend; Guinness, the sponsor of the whole Six Nations tournament and renowned for its creamy dark stout, was advertising its ‘0.0’ ((ie no alcohol) beer. At last the separation of being a top athlete and alcohol is being understood; at least by the athletes but probably not by the spectators!

Note 1 I remember that when stationed in Germany a very appropriate slang word we  used for ‘dentist’ is ‘fang-farrier’; so descriptive! The proper word is zahnarzt (m) or zahnārztin (f).

Note 2 Women’s Rugby and Football are two of the fastest growing sports in the UK.