Some weeks ago we went to a lovely supper party with local friends. Another couple were already there and one more arrived shortly after us. Introductions were made and, unless I repeat the person’s first name, I forget it in the blink of an eye. I am then of course embarrassed and spend time trying to think ‘do they look like a Robin or a Robert, or a Sara or a Serena’! The trick is to repeat their name when the introduction is made: “Hello Robin I’m Richard.” At least that’s what I am told works: I am still learning!
This particular evening remains in my memory as one of the guests wanted to immediately say who he was, as in: “I am a retired trade union official”. He could have said he was/had been a teacher/chemist/footballer/writer/artist or one of the hundred and one other descriptions of what people do for work or for love. I wanted to ask him more about it but my thoughts were more about why he felt the need to quickly identify himself to others, to label himself.
There’s a word from the Zulu language Ubuntu meaning ‘I am, because we are’; the longer phrase means a person is a person through other people, their community, their team – ‘umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu’. This suggests a belief an individual only has her or his existence through their interaction with others.
The actor William Hurt died in March. His obituary started “In the zoo of monstrous egos that is Hollywood, William Hurt took an almost Zen-like attitude to his profession. “I am not an actor. I am a nobody. I don’t exist.” he insisted. “But the work exists. The work is more than the actor.” This from a man who had three consecutive Oscar nominations for Best Actor!
Well, I know I exist (!) and I have a sense of my ‘self’ – “a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others.” I am also aware I have an ego – “a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.’
I practise yoga which is “a Hindu spiritual and ascetic discipline, part of which includes breath control, simple meditation and the adoption of specific bodily postures, widely practised for health and relaxation.” Many years ago, before I started practising yoga, I attended the London School of Economic Sciences for a weekly session in Philosophy. Fascinating – Year One at least! Year Two had an element of ‘meditation’ …… to which I recoiled. It was ‘an essential part of this course’ I was told …… so sadly I left. Blinkered? Maybe; that typical British attitude of not wanting to ‘give of oneself’ completely ….. and an inherent mistrust of those who are fervently preaching ‘their way is the only way’!! I think differently about meditation now.
I read recently that Buddhist teaching encourages one to distance oneself from ‘self’ and from self-concern, that the concept of ‘self’ is an illusion (!). I am a simple soul; I sense I live in my head, seeing the world, hearing the world and being aware through my other senses of the world around me. Am I an illusion? To whom? I don’t live in my big toe or in my arse, although some might challenge the latter! The sense I have of myself, confident and sure, or anxious and sensitive, starts within all those chemical goings-on inside my skull. If I try and explain it, explain that process, I run out of words and ideas.
After my Army career, I got into the habit of jogging wherever I was. Not a natural runner, it was a simple way of keeping fit, even though I found it hard. I felt ‘better’ afterwards (self-esteem up?). Then I turned to ordinary Hatha Yoga in 2002 as a way of gaining some more body flexibility – I could put up with the odd ‘omm’ I thought! I understood the physical benefits and progressed to hot yoga in 2009, and the particular sequence promoted by Bikram Choudray. Here, in addition to the physical demands of attempting the postures, the body, and one’s mind, has the challenge of the heat, which at times is suffocating!! Completion of the 90 minutes session was a real achievement. Tick in the box. Wow! I did it …….. and naturally I gave myself (that word ‘self’ again) a pat on the back and my self-esteem went up.
I understand how pure it could be to not focus on ‘myself’, able to live within and demand nothing of others. But life as I know it wouldn’t progress much if I spend my days sitting atop a pole, trying to plug into the ‘enlightenment’. Do I want to go and closet myself within some monastery, talking to no one, reading the ‘teachings’ of some guru, father, priest or even saint? It’s not for me; I actually think those that do are disengaging in real life, in the workings and struggles that beset us, the fulfilment of the hopes, dreams and aspirations within us. Does their way of life assist mine? I think not, unless we communicate on some subconscious level that I am not aware of. Give each human a good solid grounding, a teaching of values that mean something, and here each ‘religion’ contributes their own take on how to behave, how to grow, how to develop and we are good to go.
Over ten years of doing yoga I still get that lift (endorphins?) when I complete a session; I feel good. If at that point some person doing a survey had asked me whether I felt better – absolutely!! I have started classes with a 60 second meditation; I have started with a 5 minute meditation. I understand a little of the ancient beliefs about yoga and meditation but I live in an age of enlightenment, of knowledge , of depth, so does my yoga give me more meaning to my life, does it enrich my soul?
Sure does ……. and I hope Buddha is smiling because of it.
Richard 4th November 2022
postcards 