Instant judgements? We all make them and with the ever increasing polarisation of western societies they get more common; “quick to judge, slow to understand”. Some people are very quick to judge and make decisions for themselves about situations they know absolutely nothing about. For those of you on any form of social media, one person’s story can be attacked from left and right, from above and below and still the writers often know little about the real situation.
Mind you these days it seems one person’s ‘truth’ is only their perception of what really happened and may not bear any relation to what did happen!! Sometimes you read of a critic whose written a vicious review of a book and then it materialises they haven’t read it. You might think I am a little sensitive about the following example – but judge for yourselves!
Professor Tanya Byron, a British psychologist, writer and media personality best known for her work as a child therapist, has an advice column in The Times. A husband asked for help to address his wife’s drinking problem, as he saw it.
I suspect we all hold to the archetypal view that it’s always the male of the species that has a drink problem, but the figures suggest it’s women, particularly after middle-age, who suffer a much greater risk of alcohol-associated bodily damage through chronic alcohol abuse. She wrote:
“Alcohol, the most socially acceptable drug, is considered the world’s most dangerous drug. A recent panel of British academics and practitioners ranked the harm caused by all legal and illegal drugs (for example harms that are physical, psychological, social, health-related, financial, relationship and family related), and found that the harm alcohol causes exceeds the dangers of heroin and crack cocaine when the overall danger/harm to the user and others is taken into account.”
“…..the most socially acceptable drug ……” – so if you don’t partake you’re considered odd, not a ‘team-player’, boring, not interesting? Then that lovely quote from Ernest Hemingway comes to mind: “I drink to make other people more interesting.”. Paddling a solo canoe upstream is harder work than letting the current take you ….. so when you do, you become a little sensitive, maybe over-sensitive, to how others behave towards you.
I never know from where an idea for a postcard may come although I often add to my ‘Notes for Future PCs’ folder little bits and snippets. The following example about making quick judgments just fell into my lap a few days ago and I thought it worthy of expounding.
Alberto had been involved at a senior level in Rio de Janeiro in the large Brazilian brewing company Brahma, founded in 1888. It’s now owned by global brewing giant Anheuser-Brusch InBev, whose 500 brands, including Budweiser, Corona and Stella Artois, are familiar to beer drinkers the world over. He and other family members, on the first day of a three week European trip, dropped in for a drink before going on to supper locally. Everyone enjoyed a glass of champagne and I tucked into a Sagres 00, a likeable non-alcoholic local beer. At some stage it was pointed out to Alberto that I was drinking a non-alcoholic beer.
“You don’t know what you’re missing!” he cried, raising his glass.
Well of course I knew what alcohol, particularly a glass of champagne, tasted like, what it chemically does to the body. I also knew I didn’t need it to feel fun and enjoy myself, knew I wasn’t missing it. He knew nothing about me; I could have been a recovering alcoholic, I could have had parents who were alcoholics, a friend could have been killed by a drunken driver. But it’s the arrogance of the statement, not knowing anything about the person that he was talking to, that has made me scribble this. The instant judgment is often so incorrect!
Writing about this recent event caused an old memory to rise from the murky deaths. Somewhen (Note 1) in the spring of 2014 we had a guest teacher from the USA for our Wednesday 1000 yoga class in Portslade, someone who had run his own studio in New York. It’s always good to have another teacher, as it’s easy to get so used to the mannerisms and style of one that you can end up in a rut! God forbid! I remember him as it was six months after my triple heart bypass operation …… and we are encouraged to tell the teacher if you have any aches, physical limitations, are pregnant if appropriate, breathing issues and so on which can affect the way you attempt a posture. So before class I found Otto and told him I had had a heart bypass, that I was fine but was taking it sensibly.
“You need to change your diet!” was his only response.
There are many reasons for needing a heart bypass, and one’s diet may be one of them. Actually I thought my diet had been relatively healthy, plenty of fruit and vegetables, not a lot of meat, plenty of fish and nuts, so I was rocked back on my heels a little by his comment. How could he make any judgment about me, in any way, knowing nothing about me? I might have expected him to ask: “Oh! I am sorry the hear that.” “How long ago?” “Are you back to full health?” “I’ll keep an eye on you during class.” …… didn’t feel he was very empathetic!
Later during class I realised he had a very sexist manner and decided he had more issues that worrying about my diet! But maybe I was being quick to judge?
Richard 2nd September 2022
PS According to the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, people with judging preference want things neat, orderly and established, so more likely to judge quickly! Those with a perceiving preference want things to be spontaneous and flexible – ‘let’s find out more’!
Note 1 Somewhen is a delightful informal word meaning ‘at some time’ that was first recorded in the C13th but then dropped out of favour until the 1800s. Best articulated with a County of Sussex dialect!
postcards 