life

PC 502 Heading to The Hope Café

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After lunch on Tuesday, before a dental appointment towards the end of the afternoon, I headed to The Hope Café for a coffee and a catch-up. In a little bag I had some toothpaste and a toothbrush, as I needed to clean my teeth before being subjected to an oral examination. Nothing worse than one’s dentist berating one for poor dental hygiene. This reminds me that we make sure our apartment is clean and tidy ….. before our fortnightly cleaner’s visit; funny what we do, huh? ‘There are standards, Caruthers.’

In my mind I was collecting thoughts for this week’s scribbles and suddenly thought: ‘I have enough …… I don’t need to have a conversation with anyone!’ ….. so popped into Café Nero on Church Road, got a double espresso, plugged in my laptop and looked at my notes.

My regular readers will know Celina and I visited both the North and South Islands of New Zealand last autumn, and on the latter drove from Christchurch to Lake Tekapo. The weather was glorious:

The little stone Church of The Good Sheppard, built in 1935 to honour the first English settler families in the area, is one of the most photographed buildings in the country. On Facebook a couple of weeks ago it looked completely different; I read that Lake Tekapo had recorded minus12.5C!

In my normal perusal of the obituary column in The Times, I found that the former Emir of Qatar, Sheikh Hamad bin Khalifa al-Thani, has died aged 74. He had deposed his father and was credited with bringing Qatar into the C21st. What I found amazing was his ability to procreate! He had married three times; his first wife Mariam, a cousin, gave him 2 sons and 6 daughters, his second, Moza, 5 sons and 2 daughters and his last, Noora and another cousin, 4 sons and 5 daughters, a total of 11 sons and 13 daughters. Quite a brood. The practice of marrying a first cousin, and the obituary didn’t say whether two of his wives were first cousins, is debateable. For example, it’s legal in the UK and in about 50% of the States in America, while banned in many other places. Statistics show that children of first-cousin marriages have a 5% risk of ‘autosomal recessive genetic disorders’ compared to the 3% of the children of unrelated parents. It’s certainly a common practice in the Pakistan community in Leeds where, according to a television documentary, the percentage of abnormal births is very high.

Back from a week in Estoril in Portugal earlier this month, I read another obituary, that of a judge, André Cerdini. What caught my eye was the subtitle: ‘Provincial magistrate praised for his calm restraint during the prosecution of ‘The Butcher of Lyon’ (Klaus Barbie), four decades after the US helped him to escape justice.’ Barbie had been ‘notorious as a sadistic figure, relentlessly pursuing both the city’s Jewish population and its French Resistance members. He was responsible for hundreds of murders and deportations to concentration camps.’ He was one of the monsters in human form, the subject of my PC 324 ‘Monsters’ from March 2023.

You might think that our yoga studio has some background music before class and that it’s all yoga-stuff, spiritual, chanting, Indian etc. Most of the time the music that’s playing as students check-in is the choice of the individual teaching. Last month Eve was playing music that I instantly recognised, from a 1960’s British folk-rock band called ‘Pentangle’. Their single ‘Light Flight’ became popular when it was used as the theme music for a BBC drama series ‘Take Three Girls’ – incidentally the first drama series to be televised in colour.

My postcards reach a wide variety of individuals, maybe the readership expanded by people sharing them with others. Back in March, a photograph from September 1965 of Burma Company Intake 39 at the Royal Military Academy, Sandhurst (RMAS) caught the eye of Nick Whittle, who was researching an uncle’s career and thought he might have been an Officer Cadet at RMAS in my time. Eventually, through a very helpful individual at The Sandhurst Collection, a Dr Sebastian Puncher, we established that Stephen Hall-Jones had been in Normandy Company in Intake 37 (September 1964 – July 1966) and was commissioned into The Inniskilling Fusiliers. Sebastian sent Nick a cache of information that enabled him to fill out the details of his uncle’s life.

At about the same time, a Nick MacAndrews got in touch about a fellow Officer Cadet in Burma 39, Martin Ward-Harrison. I will write about him in a subsequent postcard.

My parents’ house in Balcombe had an enormous garden and at one time the gardener was a chap called Buswell, who cycled about 4 miles from his home. He was a red-cheeked chap, full of enthusiasm for life, although his actual knowledge of plants was minimal! He needed careful supervision. I remember him for all sorts of reasons but particularly for the way he said ‘binoculars’. Why this particular useful piece of equipment came up in the conversation I don’t know but he pronounced it ‘binockerknickers’. And why it came to my mind this week is a mystery!

          I mentioned we’d been to Portugal (See PC 499 Évora 10 July). The new entry arrangements – fingerprinting etc – took no time at all, although we had to have our passport checked by a human being. When we flew back, I presented my passport to check-in my suitcase, got through an electronic gate using my passport, but then had to go to a border force official in a kiosk, showing my passport again ….. then to get into the boarding gate waiting area had to show it again ….. and then again when we started boarding! Absolute nonsense! Then to cap it all, my suitcase took the long route, eventually delivered home by personal courier 36 hours later at 0200.

Last week’s postcard PC 501 ‘Living and loving more, or victim’, the follow-on from PC 485 ‘Live more, live less’, was well-received: ‘Beautiful PC this morning’; ‘This PC really spoke to me’; ‘With 485, this time you’re getting deeper and closer …’, while Eddie commented he only had 7 months left to confound the statistics! If it’s still in your ‘will catch up later’ folder (?) I suggest you spend 5 minutes and read it (well, 10 if you didn’t read the first!)

Richard 31st July 2026

Hove

www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

PC 501 Living and loving more, or victim?

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In PC 485 ‘Live more? Live less?’ I hoped I got across the idea that we should be striving to do more than just existing. The more I thought about it, the more I recognised that there is a dreadful condition, that of ‘being a victim’; this might stop someone from fulfilling their capabilities and expectations, living more, loving more.

Without doubt, in our lives we will all experience some form of hardship, disappointment, loss, often due to external circumstances or the actions of others. While the initial event may not be your fault, you may feel the victim, and start complaining, shifting accountability to others. Don’t let this ‘victim mentality’ linger. Understanding the psychology behind this mindset is the first step toward regaining control. It often develops as an unconscious defence mechanism, to protect oneself after experiencing adversity.

Various ideas to get out of this mentality include acknowledging the areas of your life where you do have control and focusing on problem-solving rather than complaining. Whatever happened in the past, is in the past. Uncoupling those events from your current sense of unhappiness and self-worth can allow you to live and love more, today!

On the Sunday before we flew to South America in mid-April, I was walking to Rahmi’s 7-11, to exchange my Sunday Times coupon for an actual paper, and passed Hixon Green, a ‘café with food’, on Church Road. Sitting at one of the outside tables, enjoying the weak Spring sunshine, was a chap who’d recently bought one of the twelve apartments in Amber House. Tom waved and I went to say ‘hello’; he introduced me to his friend Ricky, who was enjoying a glass of Coke. Tom started telling Ricky I practised hot yoga a lot – ‘Six days a week, Tom’, I interjected – and Ricky said: ‘I should start doing something like that, shouldn’t I?’ (Was this a question to me or to himself?)

“Absolutely” I said. “Let me know and you can come as my guest for your first session. How old are you?”

“Forty-three. But listen, I really don’t have time for that.”

Always difficult, to allocate one’s time to all those things you think important, be it work, one’s family, staying in touch with friends, indulging in a passion like singing, playing golf, or going to the gym for example. Many years ago, a CEO client said he didn’t have time to learn a language he wanted to be proficient at. He then admitted he didn’t get up until 0730! I suggested he could fit in an hour of study if he got up earlier; he later called that precious extra time ‘Yates’s Hour’.

I am a lark, preferring to be, as Private Godfrey from Dad’s Army often exclaimed, ‘Up and at ‘em’, early, although he was suggesting tackling the enemy head-on! Maybe the analogy works for taking on the day’s challenges?

“There is a time in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune.  Omitted, all the voyage of one’s life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea am I now afloat, and I must take the current when it serves or lose my venture”. Brutus in Shakespeare’s ‘Julius Caesar’ obviously believed in living and loving more.

At around the same time as I learned that the nephew of our masseuse had died aged 39 from a heart attack, I read that here in the United Kingdom the span of our lives when we might expect to be healthy has declined over ten years to just 60 years. The headline is disturbing, but how the Health Foundation came to the conclusion suggests we should take the result with … a pinch of salt? Firstly, their population sample went from 170,000 households to 80,000 and covered a three-year period (2022-2024) so, as well as being smaller, may well have been affected by the tail-end of the pandemic. Secondly, there was a marked deterioration among young adults, from 91% to 84% reporting good health, the recent focus on ‘mental health’ being a major factor, whereas older women reported being much healthier.

As Mark Twain wrote in his autobiography, mistakenly attributing it to Benjamin Disraeli’: ‘There are three kinds of lies; lies, damned lies and statistics’!! More likely we’ll have some 68 years of healthy life, and not something forecast by a small tick box survey.

I have mentioned the victim mentality as I have personal knowledge of one such person. Through the generosity of others, they’ve been looked after, fed, watered and housed, whilst making no discernible effort to get off their butt and start taking responsibility for themselves. Love can be complicated, but sometimes a dose of ‘tough love’ is needed.

My fellow yogi Ian calls a spade a spade and not a shovel: “We all need to dare to …. but we accept we get knocked back …. and then you need to pick yourself up, and start again! The accusation this is ‘bad for my mental health’ is bollocks; it’s exactly the opposite.”

Shakespeare, the great observer, wrote these opening lines for Macbeth:

“Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”

The co-owner of our hot yoga studio teaches a lot and adds her own take on life to the traditional dialogue. The other day she said the practice of hot yoga ‘prepares one for one’s future’. My own thoughts are that you need to live, truly live, now and not wait for ‘your future’ to arrive. And that at my age I truly believe my ‘future’ has arrived, like NOW. Make sure your life is full of love and fun and don’t ever be a victim; well, not for too long!

Richard 24th July 2026

Hove

http://www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

PC 495 Hope Café Catch Up

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It’s been a while since I was able to get to the Hope Café, to enjoy a relaxing coffee and catch up with whoever’s there. Tuesday was a busy day; after our obligatory 90 minutes of hot yoga, an hour of a new sequence called ‘Shape Shifting’ (Note 1) and lunch, we both went to the Hove Skin Clinic for our annual Mole Mapping. Having had a ‘malignant Melanoma In-situ’ removed in November 2023 and a ‘Basal Cell Carcinoma’ taken off last year, I can’t be too careful, so have an annual check-up. On Wednesday I had lunch with my best friend Stewart in Bill’s in Reigate.

On Thursday I found both Sami and Mo, sitting at different tables but to all intense and purposes alone; we got together at a table near the Brazilian deli counter. You may remember Mo’s mother died earlier in the year and I was pleased she was back to her chatty, urbane self.

“I was thinking of you the other day Richard, as I waited to pay for some fruit from Dean’s. I think you wrote about him in one of your postcards. Hang on ……”

Dean’s fruit and vegetable stall on the north end of George Street

…. and Mo dives into her iPhone and somehow pulls up my postcards from 2017!! (PC 103)

“Here it is. You wrote how …….

“…… having picked up four egg cartons from the side of Dean’s stall, I come around to the front. It’s become such a regular occurrence that it goes something like:

Dean: “Hello! How are you? Just your usual? ….. How many have we got?  …. Remind me, it’s the £1.09s, isn’t it?….. So that’ll be £4.36 ….

(another regular appears)

Good morning, Doris! How are you?……. Sorry! Be with you in a minute.

……. So, is that everything? These strawberries are the first of the season. No! We had the Spanish ones but these are from the Netherlands.”

“Smell good an’ all” says Jim standing beside the stall from where he’s been talking to Dean about the football when there aren’t any customers ….

“I don’t want to smell ‘em, Jim, I want to know how they taste.”

Dean: “Sorry Doris, two secs! ….” turning to me … .“So, two dozen eggs and a punnet of strawberries; £7.35 call it £7. Thanks for that …. three pounds change then ….. See you next week ……

“Now, Doris what did you want? Yes, the beetroot are cooked, real sweet, I can tell, had some for my tea yesterday.”

“Not sure how you managed to find that, Mo, but let me give you another little vignette into life on Dean’s stall.”

“Go on ..”

“On Monday I went there to buy a Fennel, such a versatile vegetable ….. and there was a large cardboard box of cherries on the trestle table. A woman is waiting to be served.

“How much are the cherries, Dean?” she asks.

“£15 a kilo …..

The woman’s face says it all; she can’t get her head around £15 a kilo, all she wants is a handful and now she’s not sure whether they are expensive or not.

“I don’t want a kilo, Dean. How much is a handful?”

“Oh! OK!” and reaching for a paper bag, picks up a handful, tips them into the bag, puts the bag on the scales and says “£3.25”

She pays …. and walks off.

As Dean’s weighing my Fennel, I say: “Why didn’t you say to the woman ‘They’re about £3 a handful’….. and not confuse her with how much you paid?”

“Because they’re £15 a kilo ……”

I was about to say something and thought, you know what, best left alone!! Life huh! Gorgeous!”

Both Mo and Sami are laughing. “That’s funny, isn’t it. Anything else?” asks Mo.

“Well, there was a lovely letter in The Times the other day from a Susie Marwood. She wrote about going to buy a pair of shoe trees in a huge, local, home improvements superstore. “Unable to find any, I asked the young assistant who, momentarily discombobulated, then led me into the garden and patios section and gestured proudly towards a large selection of shrubs and saplings.”

Love the word ‘discombobulated’ – so expressive! Actually, many people simply wear some form of trainers and don’t need shoe trees.” 

“Ah! Not true” exclaims Sami. “I have some very expensive trainers and always put a pair of shoe trees in them.”

“I live and learn! Sami, you and Lisa went to Dubai, no, Sicily last month, didn’t you?”

“Yup! Lisa and I had a wonderful time, not too hot, not too crowded, as it was before the summer holidays. We flew to Palermo, picked up a hire car and drove to Marsala. Three days later we drove to Agrigento for a couple of nights, as we wanted to visit the Valley of the Temples.”

“These are …..?”

“An UNESCO World Heritage site featuring some of the best-preserved Greek ruins outside of Greece. Really enjoyed strolling around these ancient stones and, staying locally, one could see them illuminated at night. Stunning! The local beaches were disgusting, covered in litter and detritus, but we didn’t go there to sit on the beach!!”

“You may remember my postcard about our time in Sicily – “The Largest Mediterranean Island (PC 134 October 2018)”. We were just south of Syracuse.”  

“God, that was ages ago, but I do remember little snippets – something about the difficulties of trying to return your Avis hire car to the depot at Catania airport. Do you realise that was before Covid?”

“There was life before Covid! But listen you two, back in 2020 I recounted a dream I had had about a UK shortage of Smarties (PC 178 April 2020), drawing heavily from my experience of working in the MOD Procurement Executive 1980 – 1982 and its committees! I noted that a tube of 32 Smarties in 2020 cost 60 pence. I rather gave up chocolate, especially my favourite Cadbury’s Whole Nut, last year after my severe food poisoning on a flight with TAP from Rio de Janeiro to Lisbon. Time is always the healer and now I buy the occasional tube of Smarties from Rahmi Gurgur’s convenience store on Hove Street. In six years, the cost has gone up 50% and I only counted 31; 2.9 pence per smartie!  

(To be continued)

Richard 12th June 2026

Hove

www.postcardscribbles.co.uk

PS Three foxes enjoyed playing in Amber House’s garden early on Sunday Morning.

Note 1 In theory ‘Shape Shifting’ is ‘the ability to physically transform one’s body usually through magic, inherent power, or divine intervention. In practice Mary Jarvis chose a series of Hatha Yoga postures specifically to move one’s own yoga practice to another level.