These scribbles are aimed at those who are not doing what they really, really want to do ….. yet!
Do you have the opportunity, the luxury, the personal understanding to be the person you want to be? Do you even know how to describe what that person might feel like, might act like? It may not be easy, being the person you want to be …… as personal needs and practical issues often get in the way! But if you aspire to something, to do something, to be someone and can remain focused ….. you’ll get there. Remember, we only get one life.
One life ….. one full rainbow; yesterday morning, before the heavens opened!
Many years ago, someone recommended to Patrick that he spend some hard-earned cash and have a session with me, as he was unsure what he should do after serving in the Army for ten years, and that I might be able to help him with that exercise. I think I became quite good at helping individuals unlock their inner thoughts and validating their ideas and dreams. For some it’s difficult but maybe easier doing so with a stranger than a work colleague or relative.
Patrick reminded me that we are often initially guided by our well-meaning parents, but their advice can be skewed by their own experiences, the trends and opinions of the society when they were growing up; they were them and not you. Patrick had gone into the Army at his father’s insistence. Now he was free to choose, although his chums swamped him with standard ideas that didn’t appeal. After a couple of hours, I remember very distinctly him leaning forward and, in a very quiet voice, said: ‘Do you know what I really want to do?’ ‘No! Tell me!’ Ten minutes later he asked what I thought. “Why don’t you give it a try?” And off he went, having had ‘permission’?
Ring any bells? Are you doing what you want to do?
It seemed appropriate that on the August weekend that the City of Brighton & Hove celebrated ‘Pride’, there was an article in the Saturday Times’ magazine about the crisis in men’s health, featuring an interview with psychologist Dr Peter Meades. For those who don’t live here, the Pride Festival attracts ‘a diverse demographic audience from across the globe and is singularly the city’s most popular visitor attraction. Pride is as famous, vibrant, popular and utterly unique as the city itself. (My italics) Its sole ethos is to promote diversity, inclusion and education within our communities.’
I have broken down a couple of paragraphs from the Times interview with Meades that encapsulate this issue, being the person you want to be, accepting the individual you are. Meades has worked with men for some 25 years, and recently written a book ‘for the silent majority, who need help but don’t know how to ask for it.’,
“I was born in Caerphilly (Wales) and grew up gay in a mining village in the 1980s.” The traditional way of life and beliefs in the Welsh valleys would have made it extremely difficult to be accepted, to be who he was.
“My family were born-again, fundamentalist, evangelical Christians. My three older brothers played rugby. It was challenging.” Homosexuality was a crime and for those with Christian beliefs, a sin that condemned one to hell and damnation. More charitable souls suggested it was a mental affliction, perhaps a disease.
Understanding who you are is the very first step to being the person you want to be. My very first question to a new client when I started my executive coaching session was, for some, extremely difficult: ‘Tell Me About Yourself’. Peter Meades recommends keeping a diary, as this simple exercise often gets ideas out into the open. If you have never written for pleasure, why don’t you open a blank Word document, or an inexpensive real-paper notebook, and write: ‘I remember ……’ and let the thoughts flow without interrupting. As soon as you stop to think about what to write next, write: ‘I remember …..’ and off you go again. Write at your own pace, even for an audience of one! It’s a great way to really understand yourself and maybe it will open up ideas for your life. Many years ago, I thought I should start writing my novel; to get some time to do it, I got up at 0530, an hour earlier than usual.
There’s this very appropriate anonymous quotation: “Five percent of the people think; ten percent of the people think they think; and the other eighty-five percent would rather die than think.” So start thinking?
One of our yoga chums is adding singing to his portfolio of skills, just because he wants to. You may remember the delightful story of the actor Michael Crawford who decided he wanted to learn to sing. Many a Saturday morning would find Michael practising at his singing teacher’s flat. One week the teacher’s doorbell rang. Instructing Michael to carry on with his scales, he went to answer it; it was Andrew Lloyd-Webber. “Who’s that upstairs, Mark?” “Michael Crawford; he’s got a good voice.” “I think I have found my Phantom!” (The lead role in his new musical Phantom of the Opera)
Yoga’s physical and mental discipline attracts many gay men; they tend to be more in tune with their inner selves and their emotions than heterosexual men. Our studio is no exception and naturally we now have many good, gay friends
I titled this postcard ‘Be the Person you want to be’ ……. because I think fundamentally this can be quite difficult. We are social animals; we want to fit in, not brave it out, not branch out, be the odd one out. But understanding ourselves better, our extraversion or introversion, the degree we engage/need to engage with others, with our families and with friends, or preferring our own company, where and when we feel 100% engaged with what we are doing ….. and accepting that that’s who we are, should enable you to be the person you want to be.
Richard 28th August 2026
Estoril, Portugal
PS If you still haven’t found your ‘element’, read Ken Robinson’s book of the same name, with its subtitle: ‘How finding your passion changes everything’.
postcards 